Jun 10 2008
Check check check
First, let me thank you for the comment love. The kitten shall live to see another day.
Now I’m moving on to talk about this weight thing I’ve mentioned a few times here and there. I’m on the road to the Lap Band procedure.
- Psych review scheduled - CHECK (whether I pass or not is a different story - HA!)
- Food diary fabricated - CHECK (kidding… I gave the the real deal in all its glorious void of veggies)
- Information seminar scheduled - CHECK (let’s try this a third time, ’cause I keep missing them or they miss me)
- Bloodwork, EKG, physical completed or scheduled - CHECK CHECK CHECK
- Nutritionist visit scheduled - CHECK
- Support group visit scheduled - CHECK
- Campbell’s Soup aisle at the supermarket alphabetized - CHECK (ok, just see if you were paying attention)
I really hate to point out the obvious to them, but if I had enough wear-with-all and dedication to run this pre-surgery gauntlet, I probably wouldn’t need the damn surgery. Christ on a bike, I’m surprised I haven’t had to walk their dogs or pick up their dry-cleaning yet. (Double checks to make sure those items aren’t at the bottom of the pre-surgical checklist.)
This easy-way-out thing isn’t as easy as it’s cracked up to be, ya know?
Yet I plod on, becoming more certain of my decision as time goes by. Oh, I surely worry for the risks - I do. For god’s sakes, do NOT comment below telling me about your Grandma’s friend’s niece’s boyfriend’s cousin who died right there on the table. Just don’t. I know that surgery carries a risk. We wheel women in to have their abdomens sliced open to extract babies all the time and no one gives it a second thought, and yet this procedure - which is less risky - gets everyone bringing out their gory death stories.
I am afraid of death, a little bit. Honestly, I’m afraid of having a heart attack right here (right here in my office, with this unfinished blog post and - oh lord - my messy closets at home… I can’t die, my closets aren’t clean!!) At least before my surgery I can clean my closets so that if I die on the table, no one has to deal with that. As it stands, the death risk is one that is stealthy - at my current weight, in the health condition I’m in right now, it could happen any time. I don’t like that. Just the anxiety of dying with messy closets is enough to give me a nervous breakdown. I’ll take the surgery risks over that any day of the week.
Many people say that when they die, they want to go quickly. Going quickly seems to be a merciful way because it means you don’t suffer with long drawn out pain. I see the allure in that, but I think I’d take the long drawn out pain if it means I have time to clean the closets before I go. As it stands, this procedure and all that follows promises long drawn out pain and yet I’m not only doing it, I’m working hard to meet all their requirements for the privilege of it. I’m a masochist like that. Thank you, sir, may I have another?
In any case, I am guessing it may be somewhere in August where I’m all cleared for the surgery. And if I happen to drop 50 or 80 pounds before then, jumping through all these damn hoops, maybe I’ll cancel it all in the end.
Just think of how many doughnuts I could buy with the money I saved.
What??
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