Nothing to See Here…

I am traveling this week.

Big important meetings with people from the company buying my company.  Big important decisions being made about things like world hunger procurement processes. 

Today, I was facilitating a meeting.  There was a fairly good size group of us - some from the technical side, a few consultants, the ones from my group, and then the ones from that other group.  (I can tell you’re impressed - such a brilliant group of people gathered to solve world hunger requisition approval routing issues!)

I was on my game - interjecting visionary thinking about world hunger categorization hierarchies when suddenly I feel something poking me.  Without missing a step, I realize it’s my fucking underwire from my fucking bra sticking out of my gorgeous wrap top.  Sticking. Out.

I’m a smooth operator - I kept talking with my elbow on the conference room table and my chin resting on my fist, thus positioning my arm to block the offending underwire.  This gave me time to decided what to do next.

Should I call for a 5 minute bio-break? 

Should I quietly slip out of the room and fix the problem?

Should I point to the opposite side of the room and scream “Look!  There!  A squirrel!” and then fix it while they are looking the other way?

Will they be mad when there is no squirrel?

None of these seemed quite the right thing to do.  But I would not be discouraged.  Swiftly, I stood at the table and walked to the back of the room where the flip chart was stationed.  While walking toward it, and with my back to the rest of the group, I deftly slid the offending wire out and bent it in my right hand, so it would not be seen or noticed.  I went to the flip chart and wrote “ISSUES” and underlined it twice.  Underneath, I made a bullet mark and wrote World Hunger.  Then I slipped the underwire into the marker tray on the flip chart stand and turned around and took my seat.

For the remainder of the day, I sat there with one boob drooping (and that’s not a reference to the consultant!), and my underwire bent up in the flip chart marker tray. 

You want to hang with me?  You have to be that smooth.

PS:  that part about writing ‘World Hunger’ on the flip chart might have been a slight exaggeration.  What I really wrote?   … ‘TPS Reports’

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