Feb 20 2008
Would Epicurus have had gastric bypass surgery?
Weighing heavy on my mind (pun, ha!) is this whole topic of weight loss surgery.
I have myself talked into it. I really do. And then the next minute, I’m convinced that it would be a mistake. But the following minute, I’m certain it’s what I need to do. If only time would stand still, then I could be sure of the right way forward.
My reasons for wanting to have it are all noble and right. I’m not trying to win any beauty contests - I’m well resigned to the fact that I am The Fat Girl. I’ve been The Fat Girl for a long time. I’m OK with that. My husband finds me quite desirable as is and frankly, I don’t know if I could handle any additional desirability. So this isn’t about physical attractiveness with regard to body shape.
The reason for having it is quite simply my health. I have high blood pressure, am considered pre-diabetic, have pain in my knees and hips, have no energy, mild sleep apnea, crushing fatigue, compromised sex drive. More than anything, I would like to turn those things around. Every single one of them.
My reasons for not wanting it seem quite silly in comparison. I mean it - I recognize it. If I were a bigger person (ha! there I go again), then I would have reasons such as the risk of the surgery and its effects and after-effects, physically speaking. Frankly, that risk doesn’t bother me - I think the current health risks I face every single day are higher. I’m fine with the risk.
So in no particular order, here are the top ten reasons for not wanting the surgery:
- I really like food. I really like the enjoyment that comes with enjoying lots of enjoyable food. I just can’t see how eating two ounces of tuna fish will ever fill the part of my self that wants to experience and enjoy food.
- What if I lose all the weight and Brad Pitt comes after me? I have a good marriage. I don’t want to have to choose between Brad Pittish temptations and what I have right now. It’s good and safe that men aren’t lining up at my door. Oh, sure, I liked having the New York cabbie flirt with me, but I don’t want anyone to fall in love and seduce me away from all this chaos that is my life.
- And the other side of that - what if I somehow find myself a size 6 and my husband is appalled at how my hipbones leave bruises on him when we make love? He likes women with padding and curves. Part of his attraction to me was physical. What if I ruin that? (Well, at least I’d have Brad Pitt to fall back on, right?)
- What if I couldn’t have Cheddar Bay Biscuits anymore ever???? Travesty… tragedy. I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!!
- Skittles.
- Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
- Fear of failure. If I don’t ever do it, then I can’t be a failure at it. I know these procedures have a high rate of success. I have such little belief in myself that I am already anticipating that I would beat the odds and be in the small percentage of people who fail.
- I simply do not know how to exist in this world under any other identity than The Fat Girl. Even though I haven’t really always been fat, in my mind I have - since I was a little girl. If I lose all the weight, who will I be? If I’m not The Fat Girl, will I cease to have an identity?
- OK, I will admit it - I do get a little freaked out at the stories about people dying after having this procedure. To say otherwise is a lie. Let’s not blow it out of proportion - I think about the risk of a plane crashing each time I board too, but it never stops me from going. Still, I don’t want to be part of the 1% here.
- Did I mention Cheddar Bay Biscuits?
There is a timing element. My company is being bought out by another company and I’m sure there will be some shifting and alignment of health-care benefits. It’s possible I might not even have a job at all. Or perhaps I’ll have a job but the new benefits package won’t cover this. Therefore, I have a time concern - do I need to press forward, make my decision, and do it before all my insurance changes or goes away?
I realize that I am saying one of the reasons I may decide against this is because I like food too much. Is that as funny to you guys as it is to me? No? Sick? Sad? Or, perhaps, more likely you are thinking “Yep, that sure explains a lot.” I have always thought my weight problem is mostly about my love of food more so than some deep-rooted issue around my dad not coming to the school play in 2nd grade or whatever. I just had it too good growing up, in every way. I can’t blame it on any emotional issue - it must just be that I like food. And not only that I like food, but I like the really baaaaad foods. I like the burgers and fries and shakes and cookies. Why can’t I have a binging problem with broccoli? Why doesn’t anyone binge on broccoli?
Perhaps I should just medicate to the max - control my blood pressure and insulin and cholesterol via medications. Campaign for wider seats in airplanes. Perhaps I should just accept myself lovingly instead of just acting like I have done so. Perhaps I should stop cutting myself any slack at all - get tough - exercise and eat right and lose this weight once and for all the proper way (pretend that there are air-quotes around that word proper, OK?)
Or perhaps I should keep hemming and hawing and talking and writing and thinking and contemplating and flipping and flopping.
If only that sort of exercise burned calories….
Big. Fat. Sigh.
Its scarry how much of you post I was able to relate to. I’m working, not very hard, on Weight Watchers and it sucks! lol I’ve always been the fat girl, too. I look around at the women in my family & they’re round, just like me! So it makes me think This is how I’m suppose to look. But is it really?
Of course no one can tell you to have the surgery or not. Good luck on your decision.
Oh & I love bad foods, too. And drinks!
I didn’t have a huge weight issue, but a weight issue none-the-less. I was 6′3″, 254 lbs at my heaviest. The doc told me my blood pressure was too high. He wanted me to lose about 30 pounds. I was tired after walking quickly up a flight of stairs. I was miserable.
I did two things that helped me out. I started going to Kickboxing classes. I hate running/biking/jogging/walking/weightlifting. It’s doing something for nothing. I run, but to where!? Maybe the grocery store to get a candy bar and a soda, maybe to Burger King. I need to do something for my exercise.
Kickboxing helped me out because I decided after doing it for awhile and watching the guys in the ring that I want to do that someday. Not for a living or anything like that. Just once to have the picture on my wall at home/office and be able to tell people the story about my win or loss in the ring. And if I didn’t practice and get better at it, you could be money on if I’d even make it through the first round. After sparring for awhile now, I can honestly tell you it is one of the hardest things I’ve EVER done. I can’t imagine it with the adrenaline rush of the crowd cheering and the lights on you and your opponent. After awhile of this I got down to 221 lbs, 214 if I didn’t exercise for awhile (in other words, 7 lbs of it was muscle… probably could have lost even more by continuing to not exercise, but the house was done and up for sale so I could start going again)
The other thing that helped me out is ADHD. After kickboxing for about 9 months I finally decided to go in and get an assessment for ADHD. It ends up that I have it pretty bad. Now I take Dextroamphetamine Sulfate (generic version of Adderall XR). Supposed to take 40 mg a day, but 30 mg works just as well.
It didn’t kill my appetite, but definitely stunted it. I used to eat Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. Now I could easily go without Breakfast and Lunch (although I usually only skip Lunch). Dinner I could live without but I try to eat it everyday. After this I got down to about 205lbs while exercising. I haven’t NOT exercised while on these yet.
Although this has given me the inspiration to try to get down to 185 (a lower weight class) so as to fight a little easier of an opponent.
But the point of that last statement is to say you could ask your doc about it. Since getting on it I’ve found out that it is sometimes used as a weight control/appetite suppression medication. Although it is a vasal (vein) constrictor so you might get an even higher blood pressure from it (although after the weight loss it’ll go down) and it makes my hands and feet absolutely FREEZE.
So my suggestions, give yourself a goal. Not “I will lose x pounds” but something that’ll challenge yourself. “I will run the mile in less than 10 minutes” or “I will beat my husband at golf” or “I will be able to do the military boot camp entrance requirements while my husband won’t be able to” or even “I will fight in a martial arts match”. I don’t know if a challenge is your thing though.
The other thing I’d recommend is a medication of some sorts. Look up Anti-Obesity Drug in wikipedia. Check out the first drug they list called Orlistat (Xenical®). It’s an over-the-counter drug that reduces intestinal fat absorption. OTC… as in no prescription necessary. As in, “if this doesn’t work THEN I can seriously consider the surgery”.
I’d stay far far away from the surgery. Sure it works and has a very high sucess rate. But what good is being thin if your out of shape. You’ve only solved one of the problems. The drugs don’t solve all the problems either, but at least you’ll be able to enjoy food and soda. No more soda if you get intestinal bypass.
I’d try the OTC drug I mentioned above. And if a challenge is your thing challenge someone to something. I get terrified just thinking about the fight I have coming (in about November). And I know the only way I can come out of it still standing is to make sure I’m ready for it.
The other thing that challenges me is pull-ups. My wife can do one (she does aerobics 5 times a week), my brother-in-law (who hasn’t actually exercised in about 6 or 7 years) can do one. Me? I can’t get my feet more than two inches off the ground. This is pathetic. When I’m not kickboxing I’m working in the weight room because I should be able to do one lousy pull-up.
Sorry for the freakishly long comment. I just want to see you succeed. I really really do.
i love food, too. and while i’m not in a position to consider weight-loss surgery, i have thought before about how hard it would be! not just to be limited to such small amounts, but all my favorite foods would be off-limits….of course there are other things to enjoy in life, but GOOD food? i love good food.
Yep, I can totally relate. I’ve decided I’m getting LapBand, and then I decide I’m not. My husband is supportive about getting it but my mom and sister are very against it. Not that any of them will decide it for me, but darn it I can see both sides of it and can’t stick with a decision!
I figure if I’m really ready to do it I’ll be set in my decision then. So right now I’ve joined this “Walking Bus” on the campus where I work. Basically a whole group of people from my work meet up at 12:15 Tues, Wed, and Thurs and walk a one mile route. Other folks jump in with us as we pass certain points on the route. It takes about 20 minutes and even though I’ve done it 7 times so far I’m still in agony by the end of the walk. But as much as I hate “exercise” I admit I do feel a sense of accomplishment after finishing the route each day.
But we’ll see if I can stick with it long enough to make a difference. I’m also toying with going back on WeightWatchers. I know it works for me, when I actually do it. But I personally HAVE to go to the weekly meetings or I won’t stick with it. And I’m too darn cheap to spend the money on myself to go. We’ll see if I can take that plunge though. I hear that my insurance will reimburse you for the cost if you reach your goal weight. Maybe the lure of getting the money back will make a difference for me. We’ll see.
But the funniest thing to me was your reason #2. Because as ridiculous as that probably sounds to most people, even me, that is really one of my “reasons” for being heavy I think.
Oh, and that I think skinny people are mean and fat people are nice. And I’m nice! Will I turn into a mean person if I get thin? Another bizarre thought, but subconsciously I think I believe it.
Sigh. More than a diet pill I probably need some kind of therapy! LOL
March 15th will be 4 years since I had the Gastric Bypass. It was very hard at the beginning, as I was a compulsive binger, but it gets easier. I am 5 foot tall, and the day I went into surgery I was 321 lbs!! My first son was only a year old and I was already seeing how my weight would affect me being the best mother that I could, afterall, I could barely breathe. I didnt have anything wrong with me other than being obese, but that was enough.
The first year was the hardest. Understanding and realizing how much food you were actually able to eat. It really is amazing how little it is. But, the first year I lost 103 lbs and had never felt better. My family and I went on vacations and actually went hiking without me hating every step of it. I felt incredible. And the best part was is that I feeling more and more like the MOM that I needed to be!!!
Now, almost 4 years post-op, I am down 175 lbs and feel great!! AND, I can also enjoy food much like I used to. I cannot eat nearly as much as I could before surgery, but I can go out for dinner with people and no one would notice that I was the one who had the GB surgery.
I would recommend the surgery to anyone. It changed my whole life!!! Good luck!!
Thank you all for taking the time out to comment. I still don’t know where I stand. Maybe I’ll put it oup for a vote!! What a brilliant idea.
Or — let’s see, if Obama wins, I go gastric. If Hillary wins, it’s lap-band. And if McCain wins, then I just stay fat. That seems as good an approach on decision making than anything I’ve come up with thus far…
I was scheduled to have my gastric bypass tomorrow (Monday) morning, and I changed my mind and canceled it! I was unsure if I could go through with it during the whole 7 months I was in the process of having tests and meeting w/ a nutritionist. I finally watched videos on YouTube the past week, and learned a lot. I especially thought the videos from massagegoddess were informative. But, I also saw some negative things out there (on the internet), and decided that it was too invasive (I’ve never even had surgery, & I’m 47), too extreme (I only need to lose 80 lbs or so), too restrictive (I like having a diet soda/drink/sweet now and then), and the issue of sipping water constantly (or some other blah, caffeine-free drink) to prevent dehydration, and taking pills to prevent a deficiency of calcium, vitamins, etc, just seemed too darned scary to me. It boils down to a quality of life issue. I plan to work hard at trying to lose weight through sensible eating and exercise, a plan I’ve not given enough effort to in the past. I knew that this surgery if more of a last resort, after diets have failed, and I hadn’t really dieted before. I’m thinking of joining Weight Watchers.
Signed,
Listening to my gut feelings