Nothing to See Here…

Off I go, into the wild blue yonder.

I’m at the airport in the lounge with 22 minutes until boarding time.  I’ve been in a lot of airports lately and will be in a lot more of them in the coming weeks.  My work project has me all a-twitter with workfire excitement.  It’s like a Just Linda re-marketing campaign.  “Just Linda, now with ultra super whitening powers!”  Who knew I had it in me?

I’m skipping along on Cloud 9 right now because my taxi driver flirted with me.  With me.  He was young and cute and there was no mistaking the flirting.  Now, the cynical side of me is thinking “He’s a gigolo and he sees dollar signs when he looks at you.” but my ego told my cynic “Shut the fuck up - he thinks I’m pretty.”  We were only minutes away from the airport and I didn’t have the appropriate amount of time to think it through all the way, but let’s just say that if he had flirted with me a few miles earlier, I might have offered to whisk him off to a small island in the South Pacific and be his sugar mama. 

I don’t get flirted with too much anymore.  My husband and I had a long talk about this several months ago.  I am a bit of a flirt naturally, but in recent years, I’m such a MOM, and such an EMPLOYEE and such a WIFE.  Life has knocked the flirt right out of me. 

We had been invited to a barbecue for the July 4th holiday and I told Bill “I’m going to find someone and FLIRT.”  He was behind me, supportive, as always, of my agenda.  It is a little weird collaborating with your husband about how you want to flirt with other men, but I suppose we are a little weird in general.  So we get to the barbecue and there is an unmarried guy in his 40s who is someone’s brother-in-law and rather cute and engaging and so it began.

I flirted.  It was going well too, until Bill ruined it by saying something that was very flirt-killing.  I was kind of angry and we had a little spat about it later.  I remember wondering if we were the only old married couple who had an argument where one person said “I had a good flirt going on and you went and ruined it!  If you loved me, you wouldn’t rain on my flirt parade!”

So I get to the airport and I had to tell someone that the cabbie flirted and just in the nick of time my sister called so I told her.  “The cabbie flirted with me.” I said.  “He farted on you?” she asked.  Such a bitch, she is.  (Hi, Jen!)  Then I called Bill and told him.  Then I wrote a blog post about it.  Evidently, I’m not getting enough male attention in my life.  If you read this and you are male, flirt with me - I’m a desperate middle-aged overweight woman who would likely reward you well for it.  I might whisk you off to an island in the South Pacific.  I might seduce you when my husband is on a business trip.

Oh my god, I’m pathetic.  I’m a caricature.  I’m Mrs. Robinson. 

Quick, someone get me a whiskey sour and a 25 year old stud.

***************

I’ve been in a bit of a writing slump lately.  What’s up with that?  When I started this blog, my head was swimming with things to write about and now the well is dry as a bone. 

I have a shitload of posts that I started and never finished.  Here are the titles:

Who Needs a Medical Degree with We’ve Got Doctor Google

Absolutely Positively Without a Doubt NO FEAR

My nest just got a tiny bit emptier

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Shhhhhh… do you hear that?

And THAT’S how I knew his penis was very small

I shoulda gone skinny dipping with Shawn Gibson

“Your honor, that is when I hit him with the iron skillet.”

Why I’m no good at the kinky sex

Best invention of all times: baby wipes

Maybe I’ll have just one more baby…

Do you see anything interesting there?  Maybe I should just take the time to finish one of those (or the other dozen or two that I have started and never finished).

Flirt with me.  I’m pretty sure my tank is empty and if you flirt with me, you’ll get me all revved up and inspired.  haha  Either that or I’m just an attention whore.  No need to weigh in with your vote on that one.

ps: my spellchecker doesn’t catch the word shitload, isn’t that interesting?