Nothing to See Here…

So I notice all these hits on my blog from a Yahoo Questions URL and I’m all like WTF (that’s teen speak meant to keep you all thinking I’m young and hip) and I go look at the link and the question is something about funny parenting blogs and someone - one of you readers out there - you posted the link to my little pathetic corner of the net.

I panicked!  Quick, I have to think up something funny. 

People, I cannot be funny on demand.  I am not your little dancing bear.  I do not perform circus tricks.

Oh, god, people are coming to see me and the place is a mess.  Quick, help me shove all my phobias and quirks in the closet.  Throw a tablecloth over my grumpiness. 

POLISH UP THE FUNNY!!!!

I got nothing. 

I called my husband.  “Help!  Remember earlier this week when we were laughing hysterically about something and I said the I was going to be sure to blog it?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, what were we laughing about?  I can’t remember.”

“Me, neither.”

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.  I HAVE TO BE FUNNY NOW.  They’re all coming to visit.  If there is no alcohol, if the food sucks, if the funny isn’t up to par, they’ll never come back.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know who.  Them.  Strangers.  People on the internets.”

“Why do you stress so much about strangers coming back?”

“Listen, bud - how long have we been married?  You know me well enough to know that my attention whoring knows no bounds.  I need an audience.  More, bigger.  Hell, I even get jealous when the other popular bloggers get them some HATERS.  I don’t have any haters.  No one ever comments to tell me how badly I suck.  Why do they get haters and I don’t get any?  Am I not hate-worthy?  Do I not ever offend anyone?  DAMMIT, I’M GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE PEOPLE HATE ME.  I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!”

{Blink}

“Honey, are you still there?”

“Yeah, Lin.  Hey, Lin?  Do you think we should re-evaluate that decision to go off the Wellbutrin?”

“Oh my god.  You think it was the Wellbutrin that was making me funny, don’t you?  What if you’re right?  Maybe I need to go back on and up the dose!”

“Oh, you need to up the dose alright.”

So there you have it.  An abysmal lack of funny.  However, I sincerely welcome any new readers.  If you go poking around in the closets and looking under the beds, well, I apologize in advance.  And I’m sorry all we have are Skittles and chocolate milk - we’re not very classy here at all.  Please do make yourselves comfortable though, my bottomless pit of attention-seeking and I are glad to have you come by!

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