Jun 28 2007
Are you who you wish to be?
I wish I was more of a hugger. I’m not and when I do it, it feels forced and stiff. Oh, it’s easy to hug kids because with kids, there just isn’t any BAGGAGE. But I wish I had more of a hugger’s heart in me. I wish I could somehow get rid of that stiffness, that protection of personal space, and be a hugger.
I wish I could give myself completely to one who deserves at least that much, but I hold something back, I have to hold something back, and I have needs that are completely internal and mine alone and they cannot be fulfilled by another individual. I wish I could be his everything like he wants me to be, but I cannot. I wish that he was my everything, but he is not.
I wish I was an up-and-at-’em kind of person. I wish I was right now taking down wallpaper to redecorate my guest bathroom. I wish I could get up at 5AM and exercise for an hour every morning. I wish I was inspired by physical hobbies like wood-working or decorating or fitness or sports.
I wish I could take the big risks behind the big dreams that I’ve been known to dream.
I wish I liked my vegetables.
I wish I could be all things to all people without losing myself.
I may wish these things, but I can’t get too caught up on it. I like myself. I am who I am and it’s taken me so much work to get here (and the work continues, no doubt). No, I’m not perfect. But as that very smart Stuart Smalley would say, I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggonnit people like me!
I wish I knew how to make just who I am enough. I wish I could stop wishing.
Postscript: I started this post months ago and just decided to tack on a few bits and hit the post button.
I know exactly how you feel, as I feel the same way myself. I want to be everything to everyone, but, alas, I am just me. And it has to be enough, as this is all I am.
no truer words have been spoken…I feel so many of those things myself. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Just this morning I was wishing I was more comfortable being a hugger to friends/loved ones. My husband and kids–no problem at all, but everyone else it just feels so awkward and self-conscious.
I wish I knew how to become the person I wish to be…
Linda,
Wow i think you said everything in this post that I have been thinking forever. My wish? That just being me would be enough… for me. Sigh. It is not thoes around me that pressure me to be everything to everyone, it is just me. ANYWAY. I just thought I would stop in and leave a comment and tell you that I do read and keep up on your blog, and that a LOT of us miss you over at… well you know where you are missed.
Love ya!!
Jess
Hug yourself, everyday. Then, when you love yourself and are comfortable with that, others will be drawn into your circle. I learned that from my best friend Wisper, Miss Nude Tampabay, 1993.
I have some wishes too. I wish I was a hugger. I wish I was someone to go out and meet people and make new friends. I wish I was 50 lbs lighter.
Nah you’re not missed at all.
When I was young we played together and chased the mosquito truck around on our bikes. I am the same kid as I was back then, I can only be me. My friends might not see me for years and we are right back to where we left off. Be truest to yourself and don’t worry about the ” can’t do’s” I hug as good as my Uncle Newt, so if you need practice, call me.