Jun 27 2007
Are you okay?
Jen of the Adirondack name left a comment on my last post that asked if I’m okay.
Good question, Jen. I don’t know. Most of the time, I think I am and then other times I’m a complete mess. Thanks for your concern, though.
If anyone is interested (and - gah - I just can’t imagine anyone really is, because I often bore myself with this introspective crap) here is what is going on.
Counseling blah blah, Wellbutrin blah blah blah, marital SLAs, trip to Vegas, daughter’s graduation, summertime activity levels, work, travel, etc.
So there. Now you’re caught up.
What? Usually you complain about my long-windedness. I thought you’d appreciate the brevity of that update.
The truth is I have good days and bad. I think my husband and I are doing better, getting stronger, and then I’ll get a hang-nail and it all goes to shit from there. I guess I’m still a bit fragile, but I’m keeping my head above water way more often.
I’m in a bit of a rut, too. You all know I’ve had some work-rut issues in the past (shhh - I’m not going to talk about them… I need my job, I love my boss, I’m lucky in a bazillion ways, so let’s not go there.) But I’m kind of in a personal rut too. I come home from work and I don’t want to do anything at all. I do the minimum. I’m at that same place in my marriage - doing the minimum. Feeling a little numb.
I’m trying to get back to my happy place. I just finished reading You on a Diet and I’ve made some changes, early ones, that I hope will lead me to a healthier place. I’ve lost 6 pounds and I’m not going to lie and say that doesn’t matter to me, because it does. But it’s mostly about getting healthier, trying to repair my mind through my body, trying to get myself off all these medications.
I have an appointment to see my doctor on Tuesday. It’s my intention to ask him to up my dose of Wellbutrin. I’m on an extremely low dose, 75mg a day, and I think I might benefit from a higher dose to help propel me forward. I’ve stopped taking my Advair. I stopped it about six weeks ago. I’ve not missed it one bit, and I’ve only used my rescue inhaler once or twice for minor reasons, so I think I can leave that behind.
Next is the blood pressure medicine. I have a blood pressure monitor and I already see improvement with the exercise I’m doing, so I’m hoping that I can get off that next. Then, if I keep following this sort of loose eating plan from the book mentioned above, I think the cholesterol medication will be the next to go. I hope.
I’ve started taking some supplements, too. Fish oil (ew!) and some other stuff that I hope has a positive impact on my health. I am really hopeful that healing my body will help my mind. I want to create a positive spiral. Why is it so easy to spiral down but so hard to get that upward momentum?
The kids are great, the job is fine, my husband is wonderful, my family is well, my new kitchen table comes on Friday. What in the world do I have to complain about? Nothing at all. So the task at hand is to dig deep and find my passion again, my fire. That’s where I am at.
I feel a bit of my mojo here and there, and I should come by here and share some of that with you. I like to laugh, you like to laugh - it’s a great match! I’ll try to do that. In the meantime, I’m glad to have you out there, asking if I’m okay. Thanks for that - thanks for caring.
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