Nothing to See Here…

I wish I was more of a hugger.  I’m not and when I do it, it feels forced and stiff.  Oh, it’s easy to hug kids because with kids, there just isn’t any BAGGAGE.  But I wish I had more of a hugger’s heart in me.  I wish I could somehow get rid of that stiffness, that protection of personal space, and be a hugger.

I wish I could give myself completely to one who deserves at least that much, but I hold something back, I have to hold something back, and I have needs that are completely internal and mine alone and they cannot be fulfilled by another individual.  I wish I could be his everything like he wants me to be, but I cannot.  I wish that he was my everything, but he is not.

I wish I was an up-and-at-’em kind of person.  I wish I was right now taking down wallpaper to redecorate my guest bathroom.  I wish I could get up at 5AM and exercise for an hour every morning.  I wish I was inspired by physical hobbies like wood-working or decorating or fitness or sports.  

I wish I could take the big risks behind the big dreams that I’ve been known to dream.

I wish I liked my vegetables.

I wish I could be all things to all people without losing myself.

I may wish these things, but I can’t get too caught up on it.  I like myself.  I am who I am and it’s taken me so much work to get here (and the work continues, no doubt).  No, I’m not perfect.  But as that very smart Stuart Smalley would say, I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggonnit people like me!

I wish I knew how to make just who I am enough.  I wish I could stop wishing.

Postscript:  I started this post months ago and just decided to tack on a few bits and hit the post button.