Apr 03 2007
A Dip into the JustLinda Mail Bag
Let me start off by confessing: these are not from any mail bag. Not even a mail box. I’m looking in my site stats at the referrals. They always give me a good chuckle. Sometimes, they make me scared for the future of mankind in general. I do know for certain now that months have passed that I am, in fact, the toe-fungus-blogger. I’m resigned to it, in fact (even though I’ve been fungus free for nearly a year now!)
Let’s have a look-see at the recent entries….
- Q. Why do women go without underwear?
A. This is easy. They have no clean laundry and didn’t have time to go buy new underwear. For goodness sake, give me something more challenging! - Q. Where can I find a MILF?
A. Not here, buster. Move it along. I got all the ‘F’ I can handle right under my own roof. Besides, I don’t think I qualify by any popular standards. Lastly, if you want a MILF, that automatically means *I* don’t want *you*. (Note to all bloggers: use the word MILF as often as you can to increase search engine hits on your site!) - Q. Not responsible enough to have a baby.
A. First I’d like to acknowledge that this really isn’t a question. Someone with my version of OCD has a dilemma because I need to keep consistency and start each bulleted entry with the Q and yet I cannot lie and put it out there as a Q knowing it isn’t one without confessing. So, good. I’m glad we got that out of the way. Anywho, back to the issue at hand: I’ve tried to tell many, many people that I’m not responsible enough to have a baby but that never worked - no one would ever take the baby from me and I was stuck with them. I hope you have better luck with that. The good news is that in a mere 18-20 years, they do leave on their own. By then, you have no money, no energy, no ambition, no friends, no social life, and no working brain cells. But you have achieved that goal you started working towards so many years ago when trying to play the ‘not responsible’ card in order to foist that baby off on some unsuspecting person. Go, you! (Whew, I sure go a long way to make a stupid and weak-ass joke, don’t I?) - Q. Squish me with your fat and weight.
A. (Once more, not a question, right? Yeah, I won’t go into all that again). Unlike the MILF searcher, you may have come to the right place. Honey, if this is you, stop reading my blog! If this is anyone else, let me set you straight. Fat women love the men who love fat women but only when you pretend we’re not fat!!! So, if you meet a fat chick by coming to her site with that search criteria, you’re doomed. She wants the Google results to say “Voluptuous woman who is light as a feather and wears size 24.” or something. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Seriously. Or even big lies. Nice to know that I’m on the search-engine fat-and-squishy search result list, though. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. (Not!) - Q. Can we take ladies pee in the mouth?
A. First of all, who is we? Second of all, ladies should be possessive. Lastly, please go away. I already have enough on my hands with the pervert I married (who, thankfully, does not wish to take my pee in his mouth!) I don’t need any more trouble with you (that would be the plural you since you asked your question in a plural form.) - Q. Why to only have one child?
A. Have you read my blog? Need I say more? Learn from my mistakes, people, please. Plus, once again, you are grammatically incorrect there, bubba. - Q. Why does my finger tremble?
A. I~ke%ep t^ry%ing to #re^ply b*ut the Well$butrin kee&ps maki!ng my *fin~ger trem$#ble. - Q. Sex with my father-in-law.
A. Ewwww. Just ewwwwww… - Q. The best Thanksgiving family brawls.
A. Welcome to my family! I have one unmarried sister if you’re interested (she may or may not go both ways), and there are several unmarried nieces/nephews/daughters. If you want in, there is a chance. Good luck and God speed. - Q. What are the words to If I Only Had a Brain?
A. They are: If I Only Had a Brain. (Duh!)
Hi, my friends, my readers, my devoted minions. I’m glad you’ve picked yourself up off the floor after realizing that I posted twice in a twenty-four hour period. Do you think it’s the start of something? Yeah, me neither.
Happy flippin’ Tuesday!
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