Mar 15 2007
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, Doctor Freud…
I haven’t done much more than allude to this whole counseling thing, have I?
We started seeing her in October (I think?) and the first sessions, well - ALL of the sessions up to the last two - have been painful and emotional and full of anger and debate and we often came out of them not speaking to each other. Or we’d get into the fight on the way to the session.
It wasn’t pretty.
But now we’ve had two in a row that were good, positive sessions. I’m feeling so much more positive these days. I guess I’ve busted out of whatever tailspin I was in, thanks to my friend Well Butrin, and I suppose to the counseling.
On the drive to our session on Tuesday night, here was the conversation:
Me: So, before we get in the room with her, can I have a sneak-peak at my scorecard?
Him: What are you talking about?
Me: You know, sex. Have I fulfilled the SLA? Do I get a good grade this time?
Him: You’ve done pretty good. Yes. The KPIs this week will be uptrending.
Me: That’s good to know. I like when my BBS is in the green.
Him: I’m hoping that this week, we can negotiate a VLA to replace the current SLA.
Me: Sorry, mister, the contract isn’t up for renegotiation for a long, long time.
(secret key: SLA=service level agreement, KPI=key performance indicator, BBS=balanced business scorecard, VLA=volume license agreement)
Things are pretty good here right now. It’s nice to be out of that funk that plagued me for months. I’m happy to be getting stuff done around the house. I’m glad it’s staying light out later into the evening. I can’t wait for spring to get here for real!
I have but one more demon to fight, but it’s an ominous, powerful, evil one: myself. I have to get this whole weight thing in check. I need to understand myself, find what works for me, and do it. I have to quit hiding away from it or rationalizing my position.
So now the focus of the counseling will be on my weight issues. I told the counselor “I wasn’t abused as a child, my mother didn’t make food equal love, I didn’t hoard Twinkies inside my Barbie Airplane. BUT OPRAH SAYS THERE MUST BE A REASON!! And even Doctor Phil says I wouldn’t be doing this if there wasn’t a payoff.
Most of the time, I’m pretty sure I just LIKE food. The experts all tell me it’s more than that - my behavior wouldn’t be so self-destructive if food was just fuel. But food is so GOOD, right? Even the counselor knows the score. My husband made a crack about Red Lobster and she said “Oh, Red Lobster. Do they still have those delicious cheddar bay biscuits?” SEE!!! That’s what I mean! They’re so good!
So, Internet - pour me out your wisdom on this. Is the counseling route just some psycho-mumbo-jumbo? Or will it help me work through it? Is there some underlying reason? Or am I just a lazy ass who loves food? CURE ME!!
And Internet? Have a marvelous weekend!
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