Nothing to See Here…

Remember that children’s fairytale story where the princess sleeps on a huge stack of mattresses but she tosses and turns and turns and tosses and cannot sleep, all because there is a tiny pea under the bottom-most mattress?  Remember that?

It seems to be the story of my life these days.  Only I’m not a princess and there is no pea.

But there is tossing and turning and I don’t seem to be getting much sleep.  I walk through the day quite tired and it’s starting to bug me.  I sort of wrote it off for a number of years… because of the pregnancies, because the babies were still getting up at night, because because because.  Those were legit reasons and there may be even more legit reasons still, but even so I’m not going to continue ignoring the issue.  I’m going to quit assuming it’s normal to be so tired all the freaking time.

I’ve talked before about being a snorer.  I have literally snored myself awake before, both at home and on an airplane (with witnesses!  how embarrassing!)  After some conversations online with some cool chicks I hang out with, I started wondering if I have obstructive sleep apnea.  I did some research online, read up on it, even took some online quizzes.  There are a lot of indicators pointing to YES.  Then I called and made an appointment to see my doctor for Friday.

Last night my husband sat awake listening to me breathe.  He said I was flat on my back (which is unusual because I tend to sleep on my sides) and my breathing was so erratic and it would stop for 10 seconds or so before I would kind of snort and gasp for breath. 

So there is that.  One of the peas under my mattress may be apnea.

But I think my mattress has just felt lumpy lately… every little thing is setting me off.  I normally consider myself a resilient person, a roll-with-the-punches kind of person.  Lately?  Ha.  Every little freaking thing is sending me crying into a box of tissues.  Just a few short weeks ago, I felt on top of the world… I was exercising almost every night, we were doing meal plans weekly and not hitting the drive-through for dinner at all.  I was making my bed every morning.  Things were in CONTROL.

Now?  Pfffftttt…. first this whole marriage counseling dealio, then I take off for London and blow my diet.  I come home to a disaster of a house and feel just too overwhelmed to get anything caught up.  You can’t even see the floor in my laundry room it’s so bad.  The dog keeps peeing in the upstairs hallway and she’s completely chewed or licked the fur off her front left leg.  I haven’t exercised in two weeks and we stopped at Culver’s drive-through for dinner tonight. 

I’m a mess.

Can someone give me a shot of cortizone or something to get me through this?  Should I just take up a nice little cocaine habit?  What the hell?  Why am I so freaking fragile right now?  I don’t get it.

So that’s the deal.  I haven’t posted much because, well, it’s all rather boring really.  I’m this pissed-off shit-kicking non-sleeping princess and everything life has handed me lately feels like a big ol’ lumpy-ass PEA underneath my mattress.

I just want to toss it all in my Cuisinart and make pea soup, except I don’t have a Cuisinart and I hate pea soup.  Anyway, why do that when I can just buy some Wild Berry Skittles out of the machine at work instead?

Sorry, blah.  Such a boring and pathetic post.  Story of my lumpy-pea life this week.