Nothing to See Here…

The landscape has changed.

I’ve been blogging for over a year, feeling sort of anonymous.  I have shared my blog address with my friends, my sister, and I’ve come to ‘meet’ some of you wonderful people just through interactivity in the blogosphere.  It’s been all good.

I’ve blogged about work whenever the spirit hit me.  I’ve blogged about individuals at work without using their names or the using the name of my company.  I’ve felt like an 18-year-old… untouchable, infallible, oblivious to risk.  If blogging was a highway, well, I’ve been driving down it at 98 miles per hour at night after a few beers while on my cell phone with the stereo blasting.

Not good.  Fun, very fun, but not safe.

A couple days ago, I posted about how I’m launching a blog at work.  This isn’t going to be a fun, social blog.  It’s not even “my” blog, although the project to launch it has been mine.  The blog is a private blog, accessible by all those in my department (about 90 people across the globe) only.  All those on the management team have permission to post entries and, of course, the broader group can read and reply.  Sure, there will be some social networking aspect to it but it’s going to be primarily business-themed.

The blog launched today.  I’ve had inquiries about my blogging experience from colleagues.  I guess it’s pretty obvious I know a little sumpin’-sumpin’ about blogging.  It has made me think that a curious and motivated coworker might go searching to see if they can find my blog now that they probably know I have one. 

They might go visit Google.  They might search for “Linda blog” or they might search for my full name, first and last.  In either case, they won’t easily find me.  There are pages and pages of results for “Linda blog”.  But… if they are dedicated and bored enough and give it enough time and click through enough links and pages of results, well, what it boils down to is I am not that anonymous.

Maybe I never was.

To be honest, I’ve given a lot of thought to people ‘finding’ me at my little corner of the internet.  I don’t mind.  I don’t mind my parents or siblings or even my older kids finding this blog.  I don’t mind my work people finding my blog.  I don’t care if they read about my kids or my marriage or my weight loss struggle or heck, even my sex life.  I just don’t care.

But…

I have blogged too candidly about work.  I’ve bitched and complained.  I’ve joked about what a slacker I am (joke - haha - not real, right?)  I’ve lamented about what I want to be when I grow up which is quite a bit different from what I am paid to do now.  I’ve sighed deeply about how unfulfilled I am, about how I hate the travel.  I have even blogged about individuals using unkind pseudonyms like, um, Toxic Boy and Stupid McDumbass. 

I’ve thought long and hard about it and I need to make that right.  Now that I feel less invincible, more vulnerable, I need to make sure I do not jeopardize my family’s income by getting in trouble at work.  I have a great job.  I love my boss.  I love my colleagues.  And while, yes, I’ve had many struggles and challenges getting here, I’m in a good place with my team.  Even The-Artist-Formerly-Known-As-Toxic-Boy.  Even him.  I may vent and complain.  I may rage against the machine.  But ultimately I am lucky to have the opportunity I have and that’s that.  And?  I’m also really very good at what I do.

I don’t know how this is looked upon in the blogosphere, but I need to go changing history a little around this place.  I need to edit some of my previous posts, maybe even delete a few of them altogether.  Any of those that might put me in jeopardy at work.  And I’m removing my “work” category, too.  If this is breaking some big ol’ golden blogging rule, I’m sorry.  Priorities and all that.

I’m putting this post up for the next little while but even it will be removed before too long.  Maybe I’ll leave it up over the weekend, we’ll see.

It’s not that I won’t blog about work anymore but perhaps just a bit differently.  That’s all.

So tell me you still love me, OK?  I couldn’t bear it if you stopped coming to visit.  I need you, probably more than you need me.  We’re soul mates, you and I.  Either that or I’m just an attention whore, plain and simple.  (Don’t feel compelled to vote on which you find true.)

UPDATE:  Well, the deed is done.  I have taken about 3 or 4 posts “private” and several others I just cleaned up a little bit and left them out.  I will leave my work category too now that it’s all polished up.