Aug 28 2006
Dear Coffee Drinkers in Building 2 on the 1st Floor,
Good morning! Do you all hate Mondays as much as I do?
I went to get my morning cup of coffee. You know, my ONE cup I drink a day? Not even every day but most days? My 8 ounces of coffee? That. I went into the break room for that.
And of course the pot was empty. There was a half of a half of an ounce in the bottom of it (which I suppose is a fourth of an ounce but it was more dramatic saying it the other way.)
WHO IS THE MORON WHO LEAVES A HALF OF A HALF OF AN OUNCE IN THE BOTTOM AND DOESN’T MAKE A NEW POT?
See, I drink one damn cup a day and not even every day, and I always end up making a pot when I go in there. So I make a 64 ounce pot of coffee and take 8 ounces. HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN TO ME EVERY DAY? There is some breakdown in the distribution of coffee making duties here, people!
The way I see it, there are a few of you bozos out there in Building 2 on the 1st Floor who simply drink the coffee without ever making the coffee. I swear to god, I’m going to rig up a web cam in there so I can see who you are. I shall capture a video of you and share it on the campus home page. I WILL OUT YOUR SORRY ASSES.
I seem a little upset, huh? It’s only coffee and I only have one little cup a day most days. But I’ve been in the work force for 20 years and you people seem to work at every company that has employed me - you drinker-not-maker people. Just make the fucking coffee for once, will you?
I mean, how lazy can you be? I’m the Queen of Lazy and even I don’t mind making a pot of coffee! It’s not like scrubbing floors or unloading groceries from the car (which? when those things come up, I might suddenly have acute mentrual cramps that make me unable to participate in such activities - L-A-Z-Y.) But a pot of coffee?
A) dump out filter basket to rid it of old grounds/filter
B) put in new filter
C) tear open an pour in pre-measured package of coffee
D) hit “start brew”
People, it takes all of 30 seconds. Seriously. It’s EASY. Plus? The more time you spend in the break room, the less time you are working. See how that’s a bonus? Making coffee should be a highly coveted activity. Kind of like smoking cigarettes. Because it means less time pushing a pencil. (OK, don’t go out and start smoking or anything, I’m just sayin’….)
So, just make the coffee, OK? Don’t cause an otherwise sane and nice person like me to go postal. I’m asking nice. (Even though I wasn’t always nice in the letter above, I’m sorry I called you morons and bozos.)
Love,
JustLinda (who perhaps should have drank said coffee before letter-writing)
ps: Yes, I know I am calling them all lazy about not wanting to make a pot when in fact it could be said that *I* am the lazy one for complaining about taking 30 seconds a day to just do it… I thought I’d point out that, yes, I do recognize the irony here… Shut up!
