Aug 28 2006
Well, would YOU take a bath with her OR Bill O’Reilly?
My two year old is a tub-pooper.
There. Now you know my very dirty (gag, ugh, gross) secret.
I used to put her and her four year old sister in the tub together, you know - process efficiency and all that - but after that first poop, the four year old would have NONE of that. “Ewwww, I’m not taking a bath with her.” The baby would go for months with no pooping in the tub and I would finally convince the four year old “She’s grown out of that stage, she knows better now. It’s safe to go back in the water!”
And she’d believe me. Silly girl.
Because? It would only be a short while until the two year old pooped again and we’d repeat the cycle.
The other day, I finally talked Jadyn into letting Raena bathe with her again. It was a tough sell. I had to promise her a pony and World Peace. And really, it kills me to lie to the kid like that.
So the two of them are in the tub playing innocently and I’m watching them like fucking Roy Scheider watched the ocean in Jaws. So, of course, I see The Look on her face. And this was no fake shark fin, my friends, this was the real deal.
“Code Red! Code Red! All hands on deck!” I shouted to no one. I picked up the dripping wet baby and rushed her to the toilet. (See? It’s no coincidence that the tub and the toilet are in the same small room - the person who thought up that brilliant idea had a tub-pooping baby, I’m certain of it.)
The utter urgency of my actions fa-reaked the baby out and who can poop when they’re all freaked out, right? So she’s on the big toilet with pooping anxiety and I’m holding her so she doesn’t fall in and she’s looking at me like “Who are you and what have you done with my lazy, apathetic mother who never ever moves so quickly?”
I’ve been down this road before, people, and if there is one thing I know, it’s that in situations like these persistence pays off. I held that baby on that toilet until she had no choice but to release the swimmers.
My baby! My last one! She POOPED ON THE POTTY!!! It was her first time doing any business on the potty. (And before you ask, yes, I do intend on over-reacting every time my last baby does her first anything… “A booger! She picked at ate her own booger all by herself. Quick, let me go blog it!”)
Today, this is definitely a mommy blog because nobody but a mommy would want to write about or read about the baby poop. So for all you non-parent readers out there, please indulge me - it’s one damn baby poop post. I’m quite certain I’ve blogged about my own poop more often than that! Ha!
Of course, once she made the poop in the potty, and we were all clapping and dancing around, she looked as if she was thinking “Oh, Christ on a Bike, how is it I landed here with these idiots?” The girl who has been obsessed with flushing my doo-doo for months would not go near the handle to flush her own. I read somewhere that little ones get scared when they don’t know where their poop goes. They feel the loss of their poop.
“It’s OK, honey.” I said reassuringly. “It will probably just end up on the Fox News channel with all the other crap out there.”
postscript: I know nothing about Fox News except that Conan got big laughs making fun of it the other night on the Emmys. I’m a lemming, that’s all.
Can Rae come and teach Brooke how it’s done??? I think it’s great! GO RAE!
A sense of loss over poop… Yeah, I read about that or watched it on a documentary… I never felt that. Although, I used to think that the moon followed us when we used to drive from relatives homes. I used to tell my mother the moon was following us too. I don’t remember what she told me.. Then again, I liked the moon for following because we had a “bond”. What the hell?!
PS - I changed my blog’s location.
That’s it, when we have a baby he/she will only be allowed to shower.
I think you’re right, only a parent can truly appreciate this post. Good times!
Just for the record, I think you meant “code brown”, not “code red”. With girls, code red comes a little later, right?
Oh I know that fear–the boy is often in a swimmy in the tub for just that reason. And then the washing of all the damn tub toys….
Too funny! Yayy Rae!! I can just picture her face. Great post.
You, and your girls, absolutely crack me up. Thanks for sharing - a good laugh is a precious thing!
Linda,
Congratulations on the first poop! I am just impatiently waiting for my 2 year old to be ‘ready’. I’m so sick of changing man-poop diapers…gross.
How are things over at MYP? I haven’t been able to check things out in almost a month! I feel so disconnected!
Take care!
~Nicole
I see you over there Nicole.
Linda, you have me in stitches, as always.
our son was constantly doing that. we threw away at least 2 sets of bath toys because we just got so grossed out by the whole thing
I just went all the way to “how to” manyal, and omg lol…sent it to friends for that all important gasp laugh!
lol! my hubbie used to not mind bathing with our boy until said bundle of joy let loose the poop. “ARGH!! GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT!!!” I wasn’t sure if he was talking about the baby or the poop
Of course, baby boy baths alone now.