Jun 30 2006
The Nanny Files
So I have a nanny. Me- JUST LINDA. I know, I know. I can hardly believe it myself.
You might remember way back in March when I was first pursuing this idea. I’m an Internet geek. I posted on Craig’s List and screened via email. In fact, my nanny MAY well be reading this because she’s a computer savvy chick and since I used my justlinda email account, she might have checked out my domain. If so, HI LAURA! I hope my over use of the f-word around here doesn’t offend you. As you can see, my girls don’t toss it around much so maybe it can be overlooked.
I thought this whole Craig’s List thing was so great, I’m thinking I might just put an ad out there to see about getting a new brother.
The nanny thing is working out marvelously. First of all, the one we hired (we came this close to flubbing it up, not getting her, but it all turned out in the end) is wonderful. She has a great rapport with the girls, she has more energy than I have ever had in my entire life. She’s only been here for a few weeks and she’s taken them to several parks, the City Museum, the mall, the zoo, the Magic House, to feed the ducks, and on a picnic. They’ve gone swimming and painted pictures and baked cookies, and played Yahtzee and Chutes and Ladders and Uno and got out the Floam and the Play-Doh and the sidewalk chalk. They’ve ridden bikes and rode the Power-Wheels and gone on walks.
At the end of my workday, I get to come home to a home that isn’t the usual CHAOS. The lunch dishes are in the dishwasher, the toys are picked up. I look out on the patio and see towels and swimsuits drying and chalk left casually by some colorful chalky pictures and it all makes me so happy.
I watched my shy 4 year old offer up a hug to her (in the 2nd week she was there!) without even having been asked. My kids are away from the TV most of the day and outside a lot. And the best thing? My little one, she’s only two and can’t fully communicate how well it’s going for her with Laura, but when I lean down to kiss her curls when I come home from work, I can SMELL the nanny - her perfume, makeup, whatever it is, but I can smell her on my baby and it makes me want to cry because I know that Rae is getting loved and hugged because how else would she smell like the babysitter, ya know?
Damn, I went and got all serious and this was supposed to be a lame attempt at a funny post. So, nanny, nanny, funny. Let’s see.
I knew she was our kind of people when she whipped out her laptop. I asked if she was wireless equipped (of course) and Bill gave her the network address because we’re not visible to someone just scanning. She was able to go to her wireless utility and connect straight away. We knew she was a keeper right then.
She has, however, changed the dynamics of my house in strange and exciting ways. For example, I make my bed every morning. See, I’m trying to IMPRESS the nanny, so she won’t run away screaming.
I’ve changed the way I load the dishwasher. For years, I just shoved the dirty silverware this way and that way. Now, the nanny does it so meticulously - knives facing down, spoons and forks separated. It’s all so perfect and I am subsequently embarrassed by my messy lack of flatware sorting capabilities. So I fake it. BECAUSE I WANT TO IMPRESS THE NANNY.
The next thing you know I’ll be leaving my ruffled apron (where can I go and buy a ruffled apron?) hanging on the peg in the kitchen. Maybe I’ll buy some homemade cookies to put in the cookie jar. Or take up some crafty and sentimental home improvement project. Or maybe I resort to creating a FAKE to-do list to hang on the refrigerator JUST TO IMPRESS THE NANNY. Can you imagine what it might say?
- Put a loving note into your husband’s lunch when you pack it.
- Deposit money into all the girls’ college funds, and give an equal amount to an orphan.
- Put flowers on Grandma’s grave and the graves of her neighbors in the cemetary.
- Take a warm meal to a homeless person.
- Find an old lady to help across the street.
- Decoupage something.
- Hang up a wallpaper border somewhere.
- Don’t forget to HUG those little angels today!!! They are soooo precious!
Do you people hear me? I’m obsessed with IMPRESSING THE NANNY. I don’t seem to give a flip what my husband, children, friends, or family think about me and my housekeeping and parenting but heaven forbid I do something to disappoint THE NANNY.
She simply cannot leave me, what if she leaves me? I’ve gone and gotten addicted to her as if she was the human equivalent to heroin and I cannot face the DTs that would surely occur if she left me. I WANT THE JUNK, I NEED THE JUNK, I GOTTA HAVE THE JUNK. I’ll lie, cheat, and steal to make sure my supply doesn’t go away.
Go ahead. Call the men with the white coats to come get me. I’ll be waiting right here. But first, let me make sure that my husband will make the bed every morning while I’m gone, OK?
