Jun 14 2006
The skeletons in my closet are very white…
This is one of those posts that will be categorized as “not even a little bit funny.”
As well, it’s one of those topics that is difficult to speak of. Y’all have heard me talk about my great family. We all live in St. Louis, we speak and get together frequently, hell, we all just took a big ol’ vacation together down in Florida.
But we have our skeletons. And one of them is racism.
I always knew my dad was a racist. I knew it because of comments and jokes he would make during my growing up years. He was raised in a different time and place than I was, and I suppose I always gave him some latitude for that. Somehow, he managed to raise three daughters who are not racists. I’ve recently learned that my brother is one, too.
When I say latitude, that doesn’t mean he was left to run amok with his hateful words. A few of us have told him he’d best keep such thoughts to himself, that we were offended, that it was not acceptable. This seemed to work, and his racism hasn’t reared its ugly head in many, many years.
Until now.
My sister (Hi, Jenn!) has chosen to cohabitate with an old boyfriend she had when she lived down in New Orleans. He’s black. He lost everything in Katrina, and they’ve been in touch, talking and thinking about their future and whether they have one together. They made the leap and he moved here, to St. Louis, to live with her.
There are those in my family who are not happy about this news.
There are others in this family willing to stand up and face off with the unhappy ones. We have right on our side.
I’m heartbroken over it all. I DO have a great family and it all seems to be precariously balanced with a good possibility that it could all topple over any second. To be honest, I’d see it topple before I ever remained silent and just let this evil prevail.
So stay tuned! I’m thinking there could be some uproariously funny material out of this! TWO separate Thanksgiving celebrations with my mom running between them (insert laugh track here), family brawls when people have a few beers in them (light up the applause sign) and even ongoing cold shoulders. I can tell you what there probably won’t be - another full-on family vacation like we just had 3 weeks ago. Not unless two people I love seriously change their positions.
It’s not funny. Not funny AT ALL.
Naive little me… I would never expect to see such overt racism in my world. I would never expect to hear someone I love tell me that racism is part of his value system. I would never have thought that anyone in my family would choose a skewed worldview over a human being whom they love.
I’m ashamed of half of my family today, but I’m damn proud of the other half.
So, tell me - how will this little fairytale end? Does anyone know?
You will just have to hope that those who are racist will at least keep their comments to theirselves and accept that your sister has chosen to be with her black boyfriend. I am in the same boat as her, I just recently married a black man. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn’t let him go just because some people might have an issue with his skin color. Luckily (if you can say that) for me the only relatives who have mentioned they have an issue are relatives that I could do without regardless. The ones I care about don’t care. My family has never been one big happy ball of fun, so I don’t have that to lose. Even if I did have that sort of family, I’d still keep my husband as he is.
Hopefully it will end in a positive way. With acceptance and forgiveness. Hopefully.
Oh, I’m sorry you have to be dealing with this. It seems amazing, doesn’t it, that in 2006 we are still suffering these old, stale issues.
My italian girlfriend actually said to me that her racist parents wished she would have chosen a black man over being a lesbian. What?
I am so glad I am an orphan sometimes. Who knows what wacky shit my parents could have come up with….whats really terrible is it feels like it somehow reflects on you as an individual.
Your dad I can kinda see, since he is old school, but your brother has no excuse for his attitude and seriously needs to reevaluate his “values”. The Nazis had “values” too. Tell him that. Good luck, Just Linda, we luv ya.You are doing the right thing.
the fight is over. i’ve severed relationships with the brother, his wife and their 5 & 1/2 kids…. it was when i realized his wife, who i call “sister” felt the same. sorry lin, i just can’t. i just can’t. my family is smaller, but even more loving thanks to you and our true sister.
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, Linda. It’s such a stupid issue to divide a loving family over–as long as he’s good to your sister, who cares what color his skin is? It’s also come up in my extended family, so I said my piece and have stayed away from the people involved. But I didn’t like these people before they showed their asses, so I’m not missing anything. I hope y’all can find some kind of peaceful resolution soon.
People CAN grow past their prejeudices–IF they’re willing to do so. In my mother-in-law’s case it took dealing with her perfect (Filipina and Catholic) and almost perfect (Irish but Catholic)daugher-in-laws and the dirt they did my brother-in-laws to realize that having a white, Jewish daughter-in-law could be wonderful. But she did realize it and I now feel so lucky to have such a wonderful mother-in-law!
Here’s to hoping that your brother can learn to stop looking at skin colors and looking at people for their true worth. And that your father can at least learn to be tolerant, if not non-racist!
I hope it goes better for your sister than it did for me. My mother refused to shake hands with my college boyfriend. She informed me that if we married, she would disown me, and my children would be hated by all. I didn’t marry him, and she was thrilled. Of course, I did the next most evil thing in her mind…I married an atheist.