Jun 04 2006
Road Rules
After a 13 hour trip down there and a 13 hour trip home (with CHILDREN in the car, but more on that in a future post), I feel supremely qualified to advise you all on a few road rules.
1. If you are on a two-lane highway (meaning one lane in each direction), and no one is ahead of you, and you look in your rear-view mirror and wonder who the heck died that called for such a long and slow moving FUNERAL PROCESSION, well, that means you need to pull over to the shoulder because you’re holding everybody up! Fair warning- if you don’t change your driving ways, then 20 minutes later, you will see the same thing in your rear-view mirror so pull over again! Or? Better yet - try using that pedal on the right side and accelerate!
2. If you are on a four-lane highway (meaning two lanes in each direction) and you’re in the passing lane however people are whizzing by passing you on the right side one after another, that means you are in the wrong lane, ding-dong! Get the heck out of the passing lane. If it’s your first time out on the road, we might forgive you, but probably not. Even my poodle knows better.
3. If you are on a four-lane highway (meaning two lanes in each direction) and you’re in the passing lane going the exact same speed as the guy to the right of you, and there is a long line of cars behind you that cannot pass on the right because of other traffic, either speed the hell up or move out of the passing lane. You are the scourge of the highways. We all loathe you.
4. (This one is dedicated to my husband.) If you are on a two-lane highway (meaning one lane in each direction) and you want to pass the guy in front of you, and there is a hill up ahead, use chloroform on your wife over there in the passenger seat before you chance it. Because? If she is awake and watching out the windshield as you play this macho game of chicken, she will hyperventilate and scream loud enough to get all the children crying.
Whew, what a trip. What I’m trying to say is “Hunnnnneeeeeeeee, we’re HOME!”
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