Nothing to See Here…

When I’m traveling on business, I usually do both a wake-up call and I set my alarm.  It must be those years I worked as a consultant - I became terrified of oversleeping and missing a client engagement. 

But?  I’m no longer a consultant and if I oversleep, it just means going into work late in a different city from the one I normally go into work late in (how awkward is THAT sentence?).  No big.  Besides, these New York people with their trains and subways and such usually don’t get in until 9 o’clock-ish anyway, so I almost always beat my entire team into the office.  So I try not to stress too much about wake up time.  That means I usually hit the SNOOZE button about 80 or 90 times.

Last night, I didn’t set the alarm clock but I did log my wake-up call.

This morning at 6:30 AM, the wake-up call comes in.  I pick up and put down the phone. (Does anyone actually put it to their ear and say HELLO?  Fair warning- if you ever call me in my hotel around the time of my wake-up call, you might get hung up upon.)

But I didn’t WANT to get up yet.  Of course, wake-up calls, at least at this hotel, don’t have a SNOOZE feature. 

So there I am in my half-asleep lazy state of mind thinking it through.  “If I go back to sleep, I might oversleep and get to the office really late.” one half of my brain thought.  But then the SMARTER half said this:  “Oh, don’t be a moron.  Your bladder won’t let you sleep THAT much longer.  Just go back to sleep and when you can’t hold it anymore, you’ll wake up and get ready for work.”

Let’s review how lazy I am:

~ Too lazy to set the alarm clock.

~ Too lazy to put the phone to my ear when it rings.

~ Too lazy to get my ass out of bed when the wake-up call comes in.

(Want a little insight into my crazy brain?  See those three bullet points above?  It makes me very happy how they just get a little longer each time - very pleasing to the eye.  I almost want to create two more bullet points that then diminish in length so the whole effect is symmetry.  SYMMETRY, I tell you!)

Back to waking up, laziness, and alarm clocks. 

At home, I have not had to set an alarm clock for ten years.  TEN YEARS.  There was always someone waking me up, a baby in utero, a baby ex utero, my damn boobs saying ‘hey, lady - time to feed the baby’, a husband with a scary-freaky built in biological alarm clock, something.  Who needs an alarm clock when you have a freaking CIRCUS of people and bodily events to wake you up.

And now?  Now when my kids are getting old enough that maybe sleeping in on weekends might become an option again sometime in the foreseeable future?

Now it’s my BLADDER that won’t allow it.

Remember how I said I was going to run away from home to a Buddhist monastery?  I think my one other requirement is catheterization.  Yes, yes.  I want to sleep until NOON with no person or bodily organ to wake me up.  I’m willing to pee into a bag to get that wish.

And?  If on Mother’s Day, I am handed a package that ends up being a Home Catheterization Kit from eBay (because I’m sure they sell them), I won’t know if I should be furious or delighted, but I WILL know that my husband (who doesn’t read this blog) actually reads this blog!  (Hi, honey!)