May 10 2006
If I can just make it through this…
It occurred to me today that my entire life is a series of “If I can just make it through this…” episodes. One after another…
If I can just make it through this pregnancy…
If I can just make it through until baby sleeps through the night…
If I can just make it through this tough review period at work…
If I can just make it through this hectic travel schedule over the next 4 weeks…
If I can just make it through this recent infestation of lice on Sarah’s head…
If I can just make it through this father-in-law broken ankle thing…
If I can just make it through until vacation…
If I can just make it until the 2 year old is in college…
If I can just hang on until, until, well, until DEATH, I suppose….
Does anyone else do this? There is this perception that if I make it to the other side, there will be peace, relief. But every time I make it to the other side of ‘it’ (whatever the fuck the ‘it’ of the moment happens to be) there is another brand new ‘it’ over there on the other side and I start all over again.
They say that stress is necessary to life. That lab rats who had no stress sunk into depression and disengaged from the world. I’d like to take that test myself. No stress, just for a short while. I may well disengage from the world but I think I might be dancing a happy jig rather than sinking into depression. Maybe.
Oh, poppycock. This sounds like so much whinging (yes, that’s supposed to say whinging, which is one of my most favorite British word up there with nutter and sod-all) and to be honest, I’m happy with my life. I love the husband and the kids and the house and being active and taking pictures with my Rebel and blogging and my message board peeps and watching ER on Thursdays and House on Tuesdays. I like reading all of your blogs and have even, in recent months, started reading books - yes BOOKS - at a decent rate again (for awhile, it was taking me months to finish a single damn book). I even, on some days, like my job. (Paydays would definitely be counted among those.)
So I don’t mean to sound like a whiner. I really don’t. I’d choose the same lot in life if I had it to choose again (well, I might tweak it a teeny bit, you know, choose the body of Angelina Jolie or something). But why is it that whenever I seem to hit a good operating rhythm, someone tosses a freaking monkey wrench into it and everything goes spiraling out of control? Why can’t I seem to sustain that rhythm for more than a day or two at a time?
The one thing that gives me solace is knowing that this is not just me. It’s not my bad karma or bad management or bad attitude. It’s NORMAL. Whenever I feel all alone in my stress, I think of all of you, the population at large, and it gives me a sense of peace to know “Well, I may be drowning in muck BUT THEY’RE ALL COMING WITH ME! HA!”
They say Misery loves company. Well, it would appear that Stress does too and so does Disorganization and Procrastination (but she is always late to the party - you just can’t count on her!)
The problem may just be one of BAD INFLUENCES. Because all these bitches love company, they’re hanging out with each other. It’s like a big ol’ party in my brain. Misery, Stress, Disorganization, Procrastination, and probably others (Forgetfulness? Irritation?). They’re all networking up there, sharing ideas. They are CONSPIRING AGAINST ME. I’m sure of it.
I’ve tried to talk Optimism into getting in there, but she is convinced they’ll all work it out on their own. And I’ve been looking all over for Energy but I’m quite certain that Fatigue has her tied up in the basement. Patience finally got fed up and stormed out and I haven’t seen her since.
Thank God for Humor. If it wasn’t for her, I’m not sure how I’d get through it all.
At least until I leave on vacation…
ps: I said poppycock! Ha! How can you not love that word???
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