Nothing to See Here…

I need to start posting about coprolitology… or maybe trigonometry or Tolstoy or transcendental meditation.  Something.  Anything to get me a better class of people coming in through Google keyword hits. 

I look at my stats. 

Not every 5 minutes like I used to, but I still look.  The keywords KILL me.  The truth is, many who land on this site come here through nefarious searches.  Some of the keyword phrases are nearly enough to make me stick a finger down my throat.  Some are downright hilarious.  HILL AIR EE US.  Like “womans are touching there boobies with mans“  I’m picturing some 14 year old boy who speaks English as a second language furtively searching the Google results to get the GOODS while his mother is yelling “Raheed - are you doing your homework in there?” in whatever their native language is.

I have to admit, though, I’m embarrassed to be The Site that comes up in response to searches for toe funguses (And yet?  What am I blogging about AGAIN!) 

I’m the Toe Fungus Blogger Lady.  TFBL.  Yeah.  Here’s the proof, and these are only the ones on the first page of my recent keyword hits: 

                   

 toenail purple then thick and looks like fungus

fungus amungus and toes

toe fungus won’t go away

white toe fungal

underarm fungus treatment

fungus amputate toe

reasons for losing a toenail

pictures of early toenail fungus

 

I only hope these people were smart enough not to ever EVER go to the IMAGES tab.  Me?  I learned that lesson the hard way.  I also had a search today for “why did the red Skittles go away?” and I just have to say - buddy, I feel your pain (but perhaps this is a subject for another post because Skittles are Skittles and toe funguses are toe funguses and, hopefully, never the two shall meet.)

I think I’m done talking about the fungus.  Well, after this post, that is.  My friend, Danni (who I imagine is ECSTATIC to be linked from one of my famous toe fungus posts, after all I’m the TFBL and who really knows if it’s contagious over the net), told me about the Vick’s Vapor Rub thing.  And then I heard it from someone else - my daughter’s boyfriend who is 21 and someone I really shouldn’t be discussing my toe fungus with but, hell, I already told the whole Internet.  TWO people swearing by Vick’s.

So I tried it.  By this time, I had this whole Toe Fungus COCKTAIL going on, very complex… FungiCure in the morning, Lotrimin during the day, Grapefruit Seed Extract at night and now Vick’s Vapor Rub TOO.  I was thinking maybe the SMELL of it in bed at night might possibly be a turn off to the Horniest Man in the Universe but there ain’t much that stops him, including Vick’s Vapor Rub.  But I digress…

The Vapor Rub thing has only been going on for a few days but… wait for it, wait for it— we have RESULTS!!  Danni was right (she’s so smart… you should visit her blog ’cause she takes the BEST pictures and has some awfully cute little models, too.)

So there you go.  The end of the toe fungus saga.  If you came here via a Google fungus related search, all I can say is Vick’s Vapor Rub and the power of prayer.  OK, so I didn’t really pray but I HOPED a lot.  If you found my site via a Google search because you’re some whacked out weirdo pervert with a toe fungus FETISH?  Sorry, Charlie… go fish somewhere else.

To wrap it all up, let me quote from TOLSTOY– “This little piggy went WEE-WEE-WEE all the way home.” (do you think anyone coming in from a Google keyword referral from that will feel DUPED by my obvious ploy in weaving Tolstoy into my post?)

(I just added that last bit for dramatic effect.  It was really the piggy that went to market that was affected by the fungus.  Everyone knows that the wee-wee-wee piggy is the BABY piggy.  This deal is definitely on my big toe.  WAS.  Was on my big toe.  While I’m on the subject, though - what is with the piggy that ate roast beef?  Seriously… I mean do pigs eat cows and if so, ewwww.  But since I am a proud carnivor who eats both pigs and cows, why should it squick me out that pigs might eat cows and really TOES don’t eat anything and it’s just a stupid baby rhyme so why do I waste brain cells wondering about it anyway?)