Nothing to See Here…

I’m in New York this week.  And guess what?  I have a fucking UTI. 

If it wasn’t for bad luck recently, I’d have no luck at all.  First the never-ending period and the stupid travel schedule and the missing glasses and the weight gain and that zit on my chin and oh who cares.

I had to call my doctor’s emergency line and have him call me in a prescription.  I wasn’t even sure it was a UTI.  Thank god for the internet, right?  So he’s ordering me an antibiotic and something that turns my pee orange.  I’m not sure what else it does, but he was very clear about the orange pee (only he called it urine because he’s much more of a grown up than I am).  So the bleeding has stopped out of that part of my anatomy I talked about the other day but the neighboring place decided to step up and keep it going.  As my British colleagues might say, a bloody UTI. 

I’d slit my wrists if I wasn’t so sick of the fucking blood.

So I have to go pee every 10 minutes and I can’t see American Idol from the bathroom and the hotel doesn’t have wireless so I can’t drag my laptop in there, either. 

I’ve only had a UTI once before, well over a decade ago.  I know the cause then… my husband and I were all SEX SEX SEX back then and they say that can do it.  I can’t blame the sex this time, since I’ve been gone 3 of the last 4 weeks, but I think it might be due to the never-ending period (which required never-ending feminine protection) which, in turn, is probably due to PERIMENOPAUSE.

Just get used to it now, Internet.  I shall be blaming everything - everything - on perimenopause from here on out.  Toast got burned?  Perimenopause.  Cold feet?  Bad hair day?  World hunger?  All due to my perimenopause.  Mea culpa.  Pile on the blame while I’m in the mood to take it. 

Let’s change the subject, shall we?

Yesterday was my big team building event.  It went really well.  Afterwards, my team (we represent the US region) and the global management team (the global team on which I sit that leads the organization) went out for sushi and karaoke.  It was a blast.

Today was the first day of our quarterly leadership meetings.  I’m considered the “host” since the meetings are taking place in my region even though I’m not a NY native.  At the end of the day today, my boss asked me for directions to a restaurant.  I told him I wasn’t a native but he said “No, this is an easy one.” so I gave him directions.  Right now, as I look at a map (so I can go to the pharmacy and get the pee-turning-orange stuff), I realized I POINTED HIM IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.  I sent my boss going in the opposite direction from where he needed to go.  Thank goodness reviews, raises, and bonuses are all nailed down.  Phew…. I’m sure I’ll hear it tomorrow.  Good thing he has a great sense of humor.

Two more days of meetings with the leadership team, then a half day of one-on-ones with my direct reports and then I get to go home.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a fetal position over there in the corner sucking my thumb.

Or, possibly, on the toilet (you’ll know it’s me by the orange urine and the bad attitude.)