Mar 28 2006
Some things never change (and we LIKE it that way!)
{ring, ring}
My Husband (reading caller ID): It’s your mom.
Me: You answer it. I talked to her last time.
Him: She’s YOUR mother.
Me: OK, FINE, give me the damn phone.
Oh, hi, Mom. How are you?
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(haha) No, of course I didn’t forget your number. Too funny.
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We’re all fine, everyone is healthy. Yeah. Work is okay, same ol’ same ol’.
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No, no, I realize how good I have it at my job. I know that. It’s just that it’s not all that satisfying to me a lot of the time.
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Well, you were a whole different generation, weren’t you? Spending 40 years doing something I don’t like isn’t nearly as appealing to me as it obviously was to your generation.
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You sound like that old Dana Carvey character from Saturday Night Live “Back then, we HATED our jobs, and we LIKED it that way.” (hahaha)
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Yes, well, I thought it was funny. I’m sorry you can’t stay up late enough for SNL. Take my word for it, it was funny.
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No, nope. We haven’t contacted that financial advisor guy yet. I know, I know.
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Yes, of course I want to retire with enough money so I don’t have to eat dog food. I’ll make the damn appointment, I promise.
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What? No, I’ve not gotten the license plates on the van renewed. We’ll get to it when we get to it.
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Yes, yes. There is a fine when you renew late, that’s true. It’s like five dollars. I don’t think it’ll set me back enough to send me into dog food eating mode.
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Well, I do appreciate that. I mean, I talk about myself constantly on my blog but for some reason, when you call I can’t wait to change the subject.
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Nah, don’t worry about what a blog is. It’s one of those things you just don’t need to know. So what were you going to say about Jenny?
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Well, even though she’s my sister, I can recognize that she’s a grown adult and can make those sorts of decisions for herself. Cut the cord, Mom, okay? It’s her money. Let her spend it how she likes. How’s Dad?
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Oh, good lord, you two have been married for how many years? 43? When will you stop bickering about those stupid things? Maybe one or both of you should take up a hobby.
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Uh-huh. I can see you don’t like the spotlight on you, either. (hahah) Yes, I’ll give the kids kisses. Of course I’ll see that they wear their coats and hats until the warmer weather comes.
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Seriously, I have a great relationship with my mom. Whenever I need her to, she’ll come over and help out watching the kids. She’s even offered to help with my laundry! Back in my po’ days, she bailed me out of check-bouncing territory more than once. Even though I’m 41, she still occasionally picks me up stuff she finds on clearance that she thinks I’ll like. “These hummingbird sconces would look cute in your guest bathroom, don’t you think, Lin?” Even better are her garage sale finds (don’t get me started).
She does have the knack for the motherly guilt, and the one area she cannot HELP but be critical about is finances. Evidently, my three siblings and I have yet to make a sound financial decision. She’s criticized the purchase of every house, every car, and every other major financial decision we’ve made (and many minor ones). And so? In some respects, my siblings and I haven’t changed much from when we were kids.
We honor the Solidarity of Childhood. We lie. We cover for each other. We avoid, we evade. Sometimes it gets us in trouble (“Linda, why are you acting like you didn’t know about Laura quitting her job? She told me she told you.”) But mostly, we have this dance down to a smooth, well-practiced art form.
My mom might try to get me to ‘fess up on how much Jenny spent on her 600 thread count sheets but I’m not falling for it. “Mom, gosh, I don’t know how much, but I know she said she got the deal of the century so I’m sure it was a bargain! Even if she did have to tap into you to make her rent this month, I’m sure she’s not spending money frivolously on expensive luxury sheets!” I probably know exactly how much Jenny spent because she called me and told me what she spent and how Mom was ragging on her because she couldn’t possibly afford new sheets when her brakes are starting to squeak.
While we may hide financial information from her, she’s been privy to some other pretty sensitive stuff that seemed to shake her up a lot less than How Much We Spend On Stuff We Don’t Really Need. Like the marijuana. Me? I’m not into the stuff, never have been. But I got an older sister who likes it now and then and a younger brother with a friend who sells it.
So, my little sister was out having lunch with our mom. After lunch, Mom picks up Jenn’s purse thinking it’s her own and reaches in. Right on top is a nice neat rolled up little baggie of pot. “What’s this?” Mom asks. Jenny tries to think fast and, in a bit of a panic, comes up with “It’s not mine. It’s from Billy and I’m just dropping it off at Laurie’s.”
When Jenn retold the story to me, I said, “Wait a minute. Mom finds a bag of weed in your purse and in one fell swoop you tell her that her SON is selling it, her oldest daughter is USING it, and her youngest daughter is a MULE running it between them? How did she take that? Am I the only one left in the will?”
I thought it was one of the funniest stories ever. I mean, getting caught with pot by your mom when you’re approaching 40 years old. What’s not to love about that story? I laugh hard every time I think about it. In fact, last Thanksgiving over at my parent’s house, I laughed my ass off retelling it for the sake of a friend of Jenny’s who was visiting. Until I saw the serious faces looking at me from all directions. Ends up, that story was never shared with Dad, so this was his first time hearing it. He wasn’t nearly as amused as I was. Oops. I guess I’m not quite as in-step with Mom on lies, deceit, and cover-ups as I am with my siblings.
Some things never change. My siblings and I closing ranks against the ‘rents is one of them. We hang together through thick and thin. I like it that way, and to be honest I’m quite sure my parents do too. I hope my kids do the same thing.
