Feb 22 2006
My kid can make a TURD-dle, can yours?
Tonight we went out for dinner.
My 4 year old had to go to the bathroom so I went with her, where I was relegated to stand outside of the stall because, after all, she is 4 and, of course, she can do it herself (remind me later to rant about how fucking unfair it is to have ALL daughters so I’m always the one who has to make the bathroom runs at restaurants and malls and movies and such).
It was taking forever so I opened the stall door just as she was hopping down from the toilet. She turned around and looked down to study her turd, just as we’ve always taught her to do.
“Look, Mom! I pooped a TURTLE!”
And she did. It was amazing. The lady in the next stall burst out laughing.
Just be glad I didn’t have my camera phone on me.
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Later, back at the ranch…
Me: Something stinks. Is there a diaper in here? Did we not toss out her last diaper? Ewww…
Husband: No, I’m pretty sure that’s just how our house always smells.
I swear to God, if they made a Fabreeze Fumigation Bomb I’d buy it. Surely it would be cheaper than one of those damn Yankee candles, right? Your houses always smell bleachy clean, don’t they? Like a fresh mountain stream right after a spring rain. Or something. ‘Cause Mama got the magic of Chlorox 2. At least all the TV commercial mamas do. Why don’t the daddies ever have the magic of Chlorox 2? Well, this mama here has no magic at all. Where is my damn Fabreeze? Where are my Glade plug-in misting 2-scent freshness guaranteed things?
FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, WHAT ELSE MUST I BUY IN ORDER FOR MY HOUSE TO SMELL LIKE FRESH LINEN DRYING ON THE LINE IN THE SUMMER SUNSHINE WITH A SPRINKLE OF LEMONY GOODNESS?
Screw it. I’m going to bed.
