Nothing to See Here…

And I mean that only in the best way.

But - HELP!

All my blog comments get sent to me via email and I occasionally go in and reply to people, ’cause I’m shallow and vain and I like getting new mail and I figure the best way to get is to send some.

However, many of the commenters don’t have a valid return email address. Does this mean that they are people who don’t have Blogger accounts? And why does GMail think they are all named “Jenn” when I hover over them? Does it mean they don’t want me to have any way of contacting them directly? Do they think I’ll send them spam? That I’ll beg and plead for them to be my friend as if I was Michael Jackson and they were 8 year old boys? WHY DON’T MY COMMENTERS WANT ME TO EMAIL THEM? (if you’re sitting there thinking “well, at this point, isn’t it OBVIOUS?” then, um, shut-up!)

Also? I’ve taken to replying to my own posts. Partially because I like to make it look like I get a lot more comments than I really do (just kidding, I’m not that shallow yes, I am and the comments aren’t that important to me, really yes, they are). But the other reason I like to comment is because I enjoy the give and take, the discussion, that sort of thing. Also? Because I DON’T HAVE VALID EMAIL ADDRESSES FOR MANY COMMENTERS so answering in my own comments section is my only recourse.

OK, enough boring talk about comments and email addresses.

Now it’s time for boring talk about website names and design themes!

I think the JustLinda Great Blog Experiment is over. I’m moving this thing into full implementation, UAT is over and we’re going to PRD (see how easily I toss around those acronyms hoping that some geeky person is sitting there going ooooooh, awwwww, all impressed with my knowledge of technical environments and such).

So I have TWO issues:

1. I want a website. I would love to have www dot justlinda dot com but some dirty slut already has it (go ahead, Russ, go visit her… I’ll wait). I think I could take her in a fair fight, but because I saw Yoko Ono once in a restaurant in New York City, I’m committed to giving peace a chance.

So? I’m begging… give me some ideas. I was thinking of changing my name to Jenn and then I could go register jennertainment dot com (it’s available!) but my sister is already named Jenn so that might not work. Mostly because we both already have the same middle name. Well, not exactly the same - I’m Linda Ann and she’s Jennifer Anne. The whole thing pisses me off beyond belief. First of all, what, my parents just couldn’t find a single other name out of the sixty billion out there that was suitable for my little sister’s middle name so they stole the one they had already given to ME? And secondly, who the fuck do they think they’re fooling with that E tacked onto the end the 2nd time they used it– it’s the same fucking name!!! Did they think we wouldn’t notice that they lacked originality and gave us the same freaking name just because they added an E? Can you picture the scene back in 1969:

Ed: I don’t know, Mary. Someday, Linda is going to resent the fact that we gave HER middle name to her sibling. Maybe we should go out on a limb and choose, oh, maybe Francis instead?

Mary: No, I got it! I have the solution! We’ll just add an E to the end. It’s ingenious! Linda will never even realize we gave her sister the same middle name!

Evidently, having assessed my potential at age 5, they didn’t have much hope that I’d be very bright.

But I digress…

I need The Idea for a website name… I want a dot com. Nothing too complex. I’ll write a dirty limerick for whoever gives me the winning name (or a clean one for your goody two-shoes out there).

The other thing I need is a good blog theme. I’ve been up and down the aisles at Home Depot as well as Bed, Bath, & Beyond and I’m coming up empty. Where does one go to find someone to make me pretty. I’M A COARSE AND UNPOLISHED LUMP OF CLAY - MOLD ME. I’m willing to pay (preferable form of currency: insolent children, but will pay via Paypal if you make me).

I guess what I’m looking for is the whole enchilada - my own domain, a new decor, and if I’m going that far, perhaps I should evaluate my blogging platform. Here, I am at a complete loss. I have no idea where to go. I know nothing of Typepad or Wordpress or Movable Type or any other contenders. But? Only the best for me because I only want to do this change over once if I can help it. Perhaps the person doing my make-over can help me with the whole fucking process. All I know is that I will not tolerate Blogger’s uppity ethical judgment of me any longer. Bastard won’t allow me to blog from work. I don’t know why, but I swear, it’s a nightmare consisting of pages hanging up forever and errors. Next thing I know, Blogger will write a letter to HR saying “Linda’s spending entirely too much time on blogs while at work.” I want to switch to a blogging platform that is as unethical as I am and doesn’t care if I blog at work.

That’s it - I have the answer! I should OUTSOURCE it all! To Bangalore!! I can get the work done for a tenth of the cost that way! Plus? Time zone issues and communications problems at no extra charge! I’ll just send over a bucket of money and say “Call me when it’s done! Buh-bye!”

It doesn’t work that way, does it. WELL FOR THE LOVE OF PETE PLEASE TELL ME HOW IT DOES WORK, WILL YA!!

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