Jan 16 2006
Feng Shui, Linda-style….
We bought a new chair.
It’s a La-Z-Boy, which could easily be called a La-Z-Linda because this purchase was all about securing my resting place at home. I sat in dozens of them, reclined them, rocked them, fondled their fabrics, etc. I made my ultimate choice with the utmost care.
When delivered, we put it in the obvious place in our family room - the corner that formerly was home to the baby swing and Leapfrog Activity Table and other various accouterments of having an infant. Because now we know we will no longer NEED that corner for infant stuff, it’s safe to put a chair there.
Except for one thing - in my open concept home, this corner spot faces from my family room INTO my kitchen and breakfast room. And frankly, the idea of SEEING MY KITCHEN and RELAXING are mutually exclusive.
It occurs to me that my style of Feng Shui would be all about visual avoidance. Dishes in the sink? Linda-seating must face AWAY from it. At the kitchen table, I cannot occupy the chair that faces toward the entry hall because then I might catch a glimpse of the massive pile of SHOES by the front door and flip out. Hubby wants me to relax and get kinky in the bedroom? Well, cripes, he’d better just tie a silk scarf across my eyeballs because the bedroom is just plain covered with laundry - both dirty and clean (it’s shameful that I make my children clean their rooms when mine looks like it does).
An astute reader may be tempted to point out that it might be easier to just clean the damn house rather than spending hours rearranging the furniture and even more time blogging all my complaints about the mess. I have one thing to say to such a person: SHUT-UP!
I might have to concede that it makes sense to take such advice seriously. It really does. I know that on the two occasions (okay, maybe three) since 1994 that my house was actually really fully clean, I was all like “Ahhhh…” and even contemplated baking cookies from scratch or maybe knitting something. But then I panicked… if I did those things, the next thing you’d know I’d be committed to buying organic, I might have to give up fast food and maybe take up gardening or start using hot rollers. Who knows where it all could have led…
It’s just not ME. And trust me - this problem is genetic. My mom was a stay-at-home mom for all of our early years, until my little sister (Hi, Jenn!) was in school full time. Mom has confided in me about her own housekeeping downfalls. She told me that she would keep the vacuum sitting out and if anyone would stop by, she’d say “Oh, the floor’s a mess - I was just getting ready to vacuum!” So, I come by both my ingenuity and laziness honestly, at least.
My mom’s house is now quiet and clean. No kids, no pets, no ‘real’ Christmas trees. It smells fresh and lacks clutter. This is the bit of hope I hold onto. Someday, I’ll be able to arrange my sofas and chairs however I wish with no worry about hiding carpet stains or keeping my back to the ‘clutter counter’ (It’s a good thing I don’t know what FlyLady looks like ’cause I’m pretty sure I’d push her to the ground and spit upon her if we ever met on the street!)
It’s not all bad, though. When my 20-year-old was home on winter break, I told her I would give her a bucket of money to clean and organize my laundry room. This involved about 4,712 loads of laundry along with going through and organizing shelves full of sheets and baby blankets and tablecloths and Easter hats and all manners of stuff that doesn’t belong there. I came home from London on Friday and - voila’ - a clean laundry room!
I’m quite certain that in six months time, it will have slipped away from me again, but until then, I’m going to freaking SLEEP in there. Hey, the dryer is warm and, well, I won’t even talk about the spin cycle and its effect on my, um, delicates. Let’s just say I think I could be VERY happy in the laundry room for now….
