Dec 30 2005
Overheard at my house….
As we were leaving to go to my parents’ house on Christmas afternoon:
Me (buckling precious children into complex car-seats): Did you lock the door?
Him: No.
Me: Will you lock the door?
Him: {thinking}
Me: It’s Christmas morning, surely a ripe day for thieves to rip off houses with no cars in the garage or driveway.
Him (locking the door): It’s not that I’m opposed to having stuff taken. It’s just that I’m not sure they’d take the RIGHT stuff.
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I’m quite sure that if he made a list for the thieves of things to steal and if I made a list, those two lists would be very different.
For example, his list would surely say “Please take my wife’s big, white, sail-boat underwear that she likes so much.” and my list would say “Please take those stupid butt-floss bits of scrap material that pretend to be underwear that my husband keeps buying for me.”
My list would invite them to take the tree and all the Christmas decorations, since I really hate having to UNdecorate the house. Ugh. I would invite them to steal all the dirty laundry, too (or maybe I should just put a check for a $1000 in an envelope and plead for them to just DO the laundry?).
Surely, though, he and I would agree on some stuff. “Please,” the letter would say, “Take all items made by the damn Leapfrog company and bring me some quiet toys that don’t turn on. But don’t bring small step-on things like Legos because when we step on those barefooted, we screech louder than the Leapfrog stuff ever did.”
And depending on the ratio of hours awake to sugar imbibed, we might want them to take the children. Or at least some of them. For a few weeks days hours. Please??? How many days until I get to have to go back to work? Tell me again about my dream to be a full time stay at home mom for a stretch?
