Nov 18 2005
A peek into the madness that is me…
My daughter, Amber (20) called me at the office today. She had just left her college with a few friends in her car, driving home for Thanksgiving break. She’ll be here through the end of next weekend.
Amber: What are you doing?
Me: Shopping online. (Guess she knows me too well to assume I was, um, WORKING).
Amber: What for?
Me: The Christmas pajamas.
Amber: Oh my god, I forgot about them.
I then hear muffled noises and I overhear her say “Yeah, I forgot - she also makes us all wear matching Christmas pajamas.” Then I hear raucous drunken fraternity laughter (in an effort not to be the naive mom, I just always assume they are all drunk).
Me: What are you doing?
Amber: I had to tell everyone about the Christmas pajamas. They didn’t believe me earlier when I told them you still make us all dress in coordinating outfits for family pictures.
It’s true. I do. My oldest two are 20 and 22 years old and I make those two dress to match their little sisters. Cruel, you say? I think it’s damn cute!
Me: Did you tell them I still make you get your picture taken on Santa’s lap every year?
Amber: Oh my god! When are you going to stop doing that? That’s crazy, Mom. Every year, I sit there thinking the old man is totally getting off on having me on his knee. It’s creepy.
Drunken Fraternity Car Pooler: SANTA?!?! You still get your picture taken on SANTA’S lap? (more drunken raucous laughter)
Me: Well, you guys have never told me NO so I just keep doing it. In fact, I was wondering when you would object. I was starting to think it was a little pathetic that you willingly went along like SHEEP every year to sit on Santa’s lap.
Amber: Oh, that’s lovely, Mom.
Me: It’s kind of like when you and Katie practically had your driver’s licenses and you still believed in Santa. We finally had to sit you down and tell you the brutal truth. PUH-THET-ICK.
Amber: We weren’t THAT old.
Me: Almost. You were too old to believe the Santa story. Besides, I wanted the damn credit for the gifts. No fair that some mythological fat man got all the kudos when it was my money and hard work that made it happen.
Amber: What can I say, we didn’t want to ruin a good thing by being skeptical. You know what they say, if you don’t believe, you won’t receive.
Me: Well, I gotta get back to my shopping. I’ll see you in a couple hours.
Amber: Yeah, I want to see what pajamas you’re buying.
See??? They LOVE it, Internet. They do. They may act all “Oh, my mom makes me match my little sisters.” but every year they can’t wait to see the pajamas.
Laugh at me if you must. Those drunken fraternity brats all did.
