Nothing to See Here…

Dear Mr. President,

Hi! How are you?

I hope you and Laura are doing well. And those girls - the drinking twins - what are their names again? I hope they are doing well too. It’s just too bad you didn’t get elected a decade earlier because you would have had, like, Amy Carter SQUARED in the cuteness department. I mean, Chelsea Clinton couldn’t have competed with that (Is the past tense of compete actually ‘competed’? It really doesn’t look right, but then why am I asking you because I know mastery of the language isn’t your strong suit.)

I was wondering, Mr. President, is there a presidential pet? I mean, didn’t Clinton have Buddy and Socks and I think Reagan had Molly. Or maybe Molly was your father’s dog. I can’t remember. I’m not sure you’re giving enough press to the presidential pet. I like hearing about those sorts of things.

I also wanted to talk to you about haircuts. I remember back in the 80s reading something that said Ronald Reagan went and saw his barber once per week. OK, I’m guessing really that the barber came and saw him probably, right? I mean, you don’t generally see the president out at a Great Clips in the stripmall, now, do you? Anyway, Mr. Reagan’s hair always looked very neat, very groomed. Yours? Not so much. I think you should be doing the weekly barber thing. Just a little unsolicited advice. I’m sure you’re familiar with getting that.

Um, that’s all I can think of for now. Let’s see… twins, pets, haircuts. Yep, I covered it all. Take care, now, ya hear?

Best Regards,
JustLinda

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What?Oh, you thought I’d be giving him maybe some advice on the war in Iraq? Some feedback on how he handled Katrina? Scrutinizing his foreign policy or his position on social security?