Nothing to See Here…

You didn’t know I was related to a celebrity, did you?

Yep, by marriage. It’s my husband’s aunt’s 3rd husband. I really wanted to add “twice removed” to that sentence because it seems so funny but to be honest, I really have no clue what “twice removed” means.

But I am related to Jack Frost. Let me give you some advice you didn’t ask for, if your last name is Frost or Sprat or And The Beanstalk, do NOT name your son Jack!! Sheesh, it’s like one of those things that really shouldn’t have to be said, and yet here we are with relatives named Jack Frost and the like.

So Jack is retired and lives in Florida. You might picture him as one of those shuffleboard playing old dudes, but you’d be WRONG. Because Uncle Jack is a computer NUT. So instead of spending his time picking out black socks to wear with his sandals, he sits at his computer and FORWARDS ME EVERY DUMB EMAIL CIRCULATING ON THE INTERNET.

I can’t even bring myself to open them. I mean, what if I found them hilariously funny? What would that say about ME? I’m the only young person (shut up! age is relative) on the mailing list. The rest of the people are all retirees as well. So not only do I get the emails with the headers like Aging With A Smile or perhaps Cool Cats Say TGIF but I get all the OLD people replying back with their handy-dandy reply-to-all button to note their appreciation of said hilarious internet humor. Like I need 25 old widows who are smitten with Jack Frost (and quite envious of Aunt Betty for still having her husband) to copy me on an email saying “Oh, Jack! You are such a card!”

Please tell me I have nothing in common with Jack Frost. OK, well, maybe the snoring thing (but that’s a subject for a whole separate post).

Why isn’t my HUSBAND on the mailing list? It’s his family! No fair that I have to put up with my mom complaining about my dad and my dad complaining about my mom AND all the stupid email from Uncle Jack.

So, Gentle Readers (yeah, I fancy myself some blog version of Miss Fucking Manners), how does one tell another person to stop pelting them with electronic drivel without hurting any feelings? Is dumping that mail account and changing my name too drastic? Moving to Utah? Or, perhaps I should start sending very disturbing humor back to them until they purposefully separate themselves from me (”Honey, I think someone should tell Bill that Linda really needs some serious help!”).

Then again, netizen that he is, maybe he’ll read it in my blog. [EEK]