Nothing to See Here…

I’m having an angry-fat-week.  If you read my previous blog entry, you’d have an inkling of what kicked it off.  I have fat thoughts swirling through my fat head and I need to organize them, to exorcize the demons… liposuction of the cerebral sort, if you like.

A person stumbling upon this might suppose that the anger is self-directed over being fat.  Well, they’d be wrong.  Oh, don’t get me wrong… I don’t like being fat.  I don’t like a LOT about it.  I don’t like how it looks.  I don’t like how it feels.  I don’t like the negative health implications.  I don’t like when my size causes discomfort (for example, right now I’m sitting in row 17B of an airplane and it’s a squeeze).  I don’t like the fact that my clothes cost more.  I don’t like it when I see judgment in people’s eyes (and I do).  I don’t like it that in fourth grade, Mike Schwab said “fatty, fatty, two by four, can’t get through the kitchen door”.  I don’t like it that my big sister made fat jokes about me to all my friends when we were younger and that I had to pretend to laugh along when I was crying on the inside.  I don’t like how I have to WORK at not hating myself. I don’t like the self-loathing.

But today my anger is directed outward.  Because I just don’t feel that the fact that someone is fat is a justification for being mean as so many seem to believe.  But before I go there, let me say this - there are many people who are NOT that way.  I have an amazing husband who sees me as a whole person.  I have a wonderful family and awesome friends, even lots of cute skinny ones.  So I realize that my tirade is only for the minority.  If you recognize yourself in this next bit, maybe you should give it some thought.  If you don’t recognize yourself, then don’t sweat it – it’s not meant for you.

Dear Mean Person,

I am fat.  Get over it.

It’s not contagious.  You will not catch it by being nice to me, nor will you avoid it by being mean to me.  I understand you don’t want to be fat.  I promise not to shove doughnuts down your throat if you sit near me.

I have as much of a right to exist on this planet as you do.  And while I recognize your right to dislike fat people (no worries, mate – I often dislike myself enough for both of us), I do not recognize your right to be mean about it.

I, myself, am highly opinionated.  For example, I really dislike people who are mean to fat people (you probably picked up on that already, though, huh?).

Can I share a few tidbits with you?

When a person is fat, it doesn’t automatically mean they are lazy or gluttonous.

Genetics play a HUGE role in obesity.

There are many genuine medical conditions (as well as medications used for other conditions) that DO cause weight gain or impede the ability to lose.  I know a very nice woman who has Krohn’s disease.  She has had times where her medication regimen included steroids and she gained a tremendous amount of weight because of it.  She was not lazy.  She did not eat doughnuts all day.  Likewise, there are many women with a condition known as PCOS which contributes to weight gain and certainly the inability to lose easily.  Most women who have this are undiagnosed.  There are medications for PCOS that solve one of the underlying issues – insulin-resistance.  Women who take this medication lose weight.  But because medical professionals so often dismiss fat people without looking for sincere underlying medical conditions, many of these women aren’t being helped.  Many of these women have reasonable diets and get plenty of exercise.  These are just two examples.  My point, mean person, is that being fat does NOT equal being gluttonous or lazy.  You can’t judge a book by its cover (isn’t that clever?  I just came up with it myself).

There are a lot of biological processes at work around metabolism and appetite.  And some people get a bum deal.  Some people have a metabolic rate that is slower than molasses in Montreal.  Other people have issues around how their body regulates appetite – they are missing the bit that is supposed to signal them to stop eating, that makes them feel full.  Some people walk around hungry all the time because their system doesn’t operate properly.

Then, of course, there is our society.  I mean, we are a bunch of capitalist pigs, right?  Let me tell you, there isn’t a whole lot of money in BROCCOLI.  Go head – open up a restaurant called Broccoli Bonanza.  See how it does – I dare ya.  But cheeseburgers?  Funnel cakes?  Doughnuts?  Ice cream?  Yeah, you can set up shop and attract a crowd with those.  For someone who has already gotten a bum rap in one of the previously mentioned genetic/medical areas, it’s even tougher to live in this society of convenience – to be faced with a life that forces you to grab a quick lunch here or eat breakfast on the run there when most of the choices out there are all BAD for you.  

I know that sounds like so much outward finger pointing.  It’s not meant to be.  I mean to make the point that our infrastructure isn’t set up to support the person who is already trying to overcome other challenges around weight.  Infrastructure plays a part, as well as lifestyle.  Lifestyle meaning jobs and houses and children and driving everywhere and no time and all that.  And the diet industry, while masquerading as a way to help, only serves to hurt.  Because, let’s face it, mean person, us fat chicks (men too but mostly chicks) are desperate.  So we cling to whatever they push at us… cut the fat?  OK.  Eat cabbage soup?  I’ll try it.  Oh, we’re doing CARB counts now, are we?  I’m on board.  The result is that we do damage to our bodies and perpetuate the very problem we seek to solve.

Ultimately, each of us fat people own our issues.  As Dr. Phil says, you gotta play the hand you were dealt.  Maybe we do eat too much.  Maybe we should exercise more.  Maybe we should stop pledging our allegiance to the Burger King and the Dairy Queen.  Maybe we should get our asses on the treadmill more.  In fact, I’m sure that all these things are true.  At least, for me they are.  Yes, I have bad genetics.  Yes, it’s likely that I have undiagnosed PCOS.  Yes, I’ve yo-yo dieted myself into a bad place.  Yes, my life is so busy that I often make choices because of convenience.  BUT– I also like food too much and I don’t get nearly enough exercise.  I’ll admit it.  I AM CULPABLE!!!

But, mean person, that doesn’t give you the justification to treat me like so much garbage.  It doesn’t mean that you can toss aside human compassion.  It doesn’t mean you should assign negative traits in your assessment of me.  I’m not unintelligent.  I’m not lazy.  I am a human being with human emotions.  I bleed.  If you’re mad at me for something I’ve said or done, don’t immediately insult my body.  This is the one I see all the time – not directed TO me, but from other people directed to the fat folks in their lives.  So someone will complain about a coworker and say ‘I just want to tell her to shut her fat mouth’.  Here’s a real example – on my message board, a pregnant girl was told by a coworker that she was getting huge.  Now, that’s not an unusual thing to say to a pregnant person and it’s generally not done with any malicious intent.  Of course you can’t ever predict who will take offense and who won’t, but at least it’s fairly easy to tell when no offense was MEANT by the person who says it.  This girl didn’t confront the coworker about how she felt, but she posted on the message board that she wanted to say “I feel sorry for you ‘cause you’re so fat you won’t even be able to tell when you are pregnant.”  Yeah, there you go—go straight for the jugular!!  Do you insult people’s birthmarks too?  What about balding men – have you got a great line for them?  Oh, I know – ugly babies.  Yeah, let’s tell their parents that we think they are ugly!!  That will be very hurtful and bring us the same joy as insulting fat people!!!

I know there is a big movement (no pun intended) on fat acceptance.  I agree with many of their principles, but certainly not all of them.  For example, I don’t think we should glorify an unhealthy body.  I don’t think airlines should be forced to give two seats for one ticket price.  I don’t think fat should be a protected class against discrimination when a job clearly has a physical component to it or even an image requirement.  But I do think we (including YOU, mean person) all need to recognize that fat people are first and foremost PEOPLE with their own issues and struggles and complexities.  

And I don’t think it’s EVER okay to be an asshole just because someone is overweight.  I mean, if you’re going to be an asshole to someone, have a better reason than THAT.  For example, you have my permission to be an asshole to anyone who is mean to a fat person simply because they are fat.  That would be okay.

Whew, that was long.  I gotta go get a cheeseburger now.