Nothing to See Here…

I’m new to the blogosphere (hey, I’m new to that word I just used… it’s my first time using it) so I shouldn’t claim to know much.

But I’ve been reading blogs for a few weeks now and I’m getting a sense of something.  That is, I’m not all that unique.  I have a lot to say about a lot of things, and if I’m lucky I occasionally stumble onto some insight or luck into some humor.  

But I have writing aspirations.  I do.  I always have.  Since I was a child, I’ve wanted to write.  I actually got serious about it a couple of times.  Once in the 90s, I bought books about how to get published and I submitted my work following all the rules and nothing came of it and I just couldn’t maintain the effort.  After all, I had a job and some kids and a house to take care of.

In 2000, I started writing “my book”.  I drew up an outline, I named the characters and did some character development work.  I tossed around titles for the novel in my head.  I even wrote the first few chapters.  Then nothing… I wandered away from it again.  I couldn’t sustain the effort.

Now I find this new medium – blogging.  It allows me to practice my writing, to try out my thoughts, to feel ‘published’ even though it’s simply self-publishing to no one (to everyone).  Will it get me any closer to my dream?  I’m 40 years old – have I effectively given the dream up?  I’m sure not workin’ it.  The big question, of course, is whether I’ve got ‘the stuff’ or not.  I can’t answer that.  The more I read out there, the less likely I am to believe I have it – there is an immense amount of talent out there.  But how much of having it is about BELIEVING?  How much is about PERSERVERANCE?

Here’s the confession part:  I have this fantasy of being discovered.  HAHAHAH  How rich is that?  Like, you know, the editor of Working Woman or Parenting magazine will stumble across my blog and beg me to come on staff full time (from home, of course) and write for a living.  There would be a multi-million dollar contract with a large retainer, no doubt.  And I’d have to tour and do book signings (now, don’t you DARE point out to me that people who write articles for a magazine don’t tour and do book-signings, OK?).  

I would  fly the whole fam-damily to Disney World for a week, and maybe we’d all rent wheel chairs in order to go up that special line bypassing the crowds on each ride.  Or, heck, with how rich and famous and important I am, maybe I’d just reserve the park privately for the day.   But I’d still have someone push me around in a wheelchair.  After all, one must have a lap in order to have a laptop on it, right?

You may be laughing and rolling your eyes.  I’d be surprised if you weren’t… after all, it’s the most ridiculous of fantasies.  Blame it all on nafouli – that’s where my first real blog comment came from to kick off this incredible fantasy.  

Hey, a corporate drone like me has to have a dream, right?

I wonder, though, will I crash-and-burn with blogging, too?  Will I walk away, unable to sustain the effort?  It is probably evident to all of you how much energy I’ve brought to the early part of this project.  I mean, most blogs I read have an entry a day at most.  Some blogs have less than that – some considerably less.  I enter a post multiple times per day.  I published two posts this morning before leaving my house and I’ve written (off line) three more since.  My biggest fear is that I will alienate any audience I may draw.  It’s too much, it’s too fast, it lacks substance.  Maybe my little 9-year-old Sarah gets her lack-of-filter from me?  Maybe the two of us, we’re alike in that we cannot seem to stifle any thought that comes to us and we feel compelled to pass each one to someone somewhere.  

To be honest, my message board has been the victim, um, recipient, of my ramblings for the past 4 years.  But I’m quite certain I must bore the pants off of them.  Oh, probably not all of them but there are some who resent people like me being out there so much… we’re like the ring-leaders or something, we head up the “cliques”.  Whatever.  But my point is that even before blogging, I was composing posts in my head many times per day and sometimes I put them out there and sometimes I didn’t.

What I hope is that once the newness of this blogging thing wears off, I can be more discriminating about which thoughts I will develop into posts.  That perhaps rather than five mediocre posts per day, I may publish one quality post.  That I will improve my writing skills and become more disciplined in my compositions and essays.  That I will learn from others who have honed their skills to the point where I am in awe of them.  That I will pick up a few friends along the way.  That the penning of my thoughts will bring me some sense of satisfaction and relief from the cloud of chaos that is my brain.  And, finally, that I will figure out if I want to be a writer when I grow up and how to go about realizing the dream.